So sad. I was fine on Friday, and then Saturday I blew it. I think I was hyper sensitive because I was wondering what changes the divorce would bring....and I felt weirdness. And he was being secretive about plans (which ended up being church) so I asked him if he was "shopping around" and blah blah blah....
He said "this is the quickest way to drive me away" and I did stop. I sent him an email with an apology.
This is the email he sent me an hour after the divorce was final.
"I justed wanted to say that I love you and appreciate you so much. Please let go of any guilt or responsibility u may feel regarding our marriage and please forgive me for my shortcomings and making life difficult for you. I forgive you and release you of everything and I sincerely ask for the same from you. I am so sorry for the pain that I have caused you.
As mind boggling as it has been, I feel peace that this was the only option for our relationship. I will always love you and cherish what we had and I will also cherish our friendship as we open a brand new book altogether. I do not know what the future holds for us but I will be honest and respectful to you and I greatly appreciate that u allowed this to be a peaceful transition. I am here for you. I want to tell u how I feel, but I want to chose my words wisely.
I miss u already, but I'm afraid it may not be very soon that I can give you the commitment level that is acceptable for you. I guess we will figure that out as we go."
He's definately pulled away. Not sure what that means. I don't know if it means he has decided not to be with me....or if he's just taking time to sort things out.
I'm feeling like it's a fresh breakup, but I knew that was a possible consequence of spending so much time with him during the divorce. Weekends are hitting me hard, used to spend that time with him.
