Here is my question(s). Next month is our 26th wedding anniversary. What do I do, or NOT do? Do I send a card, buy flowers, ask her out for dinner? Or do nothing.
This is always a tough situation for men and you may get different ideas, but here's mine: A WAW has to suffer some sort of consequenses of her WW and A. If the H showers her with gifts, flowers, cards, etc., then has she had any loss? Does she sense anything different from him? I don't think so.
Many men just cannot get past this anniversary thing without doing something. However, I feel that since you are S and she has been in this EA 2 1/2 yrs, it would not be wise to show her any attention whatsoever on the anniversay. Remember.....she needs to realize that she's lost something precious due to her EA. If you don't take it away from her....how will she realize? Does that make any sense?
I think it would undo your efforts of pulling back. She would think to herself, "Poor thing, he is still so love sick over me. When will he realize that I just don't have those feelings for him any longer?" That isn't how you want her to think.
I think in this case, that anything you did....even a simple card....would not be a positive move, b/c of her attitude. However, by not doing one thing to recognize that date, then she is going to notice! If she is crazy enough to say something about you not doing anything, then be ready for an answer. She is disrespecting you. Are you going to give gifts to a person who disrespects you?
Nothing thus far has worked b/c you didn't back off long enough, and it's hard for you not to make contacts, but if you will continue to go dark on her and pursue your own life and act as if you will be just fine without her.....then that would be best for you. If this A ends, and she tries to pursue a reconciliation with you, then you can decide if you still want her or not.
I may not know everything that works in these cases, but I can almost promise you what doesn't work....and that is pursuing her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well....Thursday is my anniversary(26 years). Still plan to do "nothing" as far as gifts/card/dinner, etc. Doing the 180/Last Resort has been difficult for me. Here's a questions...what if SHE gets ME something for our anniversary. Should I reciprocate or still do "nothing"?
Really need some advise on this. I plan to "do nothing" for my 26th anniversary coming up on Thursday, 2/11/2010. My question is, if she gets me something or if she asks me, how come no card/flowers/dinner, etc.....what do I do? I know this is going to be difficult for me(to do nothing on that day)but I'm not sure how to respond if she decides to get me something or if she asks why I didn't do anything.
Last year on our 25th..she got 25 red roses from me and a dinner. She then asked me, "Why did you do that?" This was 6 months before our separation. I said what to you mean why did I do that? I love you and it's 25 years...something to celebrate.
Thanks to this forum and for any input on this.....
I'm with you there wishbone. That is a tough one to answer. I got the bomb a few weeks after my 25th. I'm curious to read the answers you get because I was going to ask the same question about Valentines Day...I'm in the middle of my 180 and so far no response from W. One more question from me.... before my W went to CA for a weekend by herself??? to think about us she mentioned an interest in going back to couple therapy. Now after returning she hasn't said anything about it... should I bring it up?
Me 56 W 47 D17, D15,D15 Married 28years, in divorce 3 yrs Bomb 8/20/09 Separated 3 yrs
Really need some advise on this. I plan to "do nothing" for my 26th anniversary coming up on Thursday, 2/11/2010. My question is, if she gets me something or if she asks me, how come no card/flowers/dinner, etc.....what do I do? I know this is going to be difficult for me(to do nothing on that day)but I'm not sure how to respond if she decides to get me something or if she asks why I didn't do anything.
"I have been doing some thinking about my future. I understand you don't want to be married to me. I won't share my wife with another man. I didn't want to get you anything and give you the wrong idea."
drop the rope, don't worry about what she thinks - this is necessary for you to do- DETACH, let her feel the consequences of you moving on. go read what just happened on Britt54's thread.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
"I have been doing some thinking about my future. I understand you don't want to be married to me. I won't share my wife with another man. I didn't want to get you anything and give you the wrong idea."
drop the rope, don't worry about what she thinks - this is necessary for you to do- DETACH, let her feel the consequences of you moving on. go read what just happened on Britt54's thread.
Well...anniversary(2/11/2010) came and went without so much as a mention that it existed. Didn't see or talk to W on that day. Made me very sad..but, I knew I had to do this. Wish I could know what she was thinking on that day....but then again, maybe not. This 180/Last Resort stuff is tuff..but I must hang in there. Just wanted to give an update. BTW, does this(180/Last Resort)get any easier the longer you do it?
