Hello everyone, My husband left 2 weeks ago and it has given me time to think about my situation. I miss him more than anything, but when I speak to people regarding his behavior they are sure he's a controlling spouse.
I looked online and found several sites that give you signs of what a controlling spouse is like. I was amazed to find so many similarities.
1. They monitor or constantly ask about your phone calls and e-mails:
My spouse would check my computer history of where I had gone and what sites I had visited. I looked at a myspace profile from someone I had dated years ago since I saw a post from him and when I got home my spouse had put it on my computer screen to show me he had looked at it. Even though he said it was over, he wanted me to take the phone that's only under his name. I guess to see who I contacted.
2. They don't like it when you get too close to your friends or co-workers:
When I was working he wasn't at all interested in my stories of work or my co-workers. He would actually critizise them a lot. Even though he had never met them.
3. They frequently interrupt you or act condescendingly when they speak to you:
When I tell him I understand where he's coming from and see his point, I ask him to listen to what I have to say and what I thought and felt. But he brushes me off and doesn't want to hear it. He says he knows and I don't have to say anything. He will argue with me until I cave in and tell him he is right. I feel like I can't have a point of view unless it's like his.
4. They run hot and cold with their emotions:
My spouse has the tendancy of calling me mean and that I hurt him when I've had enough of his screams and insults. He tells me I hurt him and weeps. But seconds before he was yelling to the top of his lungs and cursing. He can get very upset but once he sees he's gone too far and I've had enough he changes and acts like the victim.
[b]5. They feel threatened by your relationships with your family members:
My brother came by once and he told him "glad you guys came.... you guys are leaving at 7:00PM?". My brother felt akward and uncomfortable. It was his first time meeting my husband since he had been stationed in Spain for 2 years.
Another sign is on the finances. He asked me to quit my job but I still had to pay half of the rent and half of the bills even though I was receiving very little money. He told me I dontlet him take control like he would like to. He wanted to take my checks and bank card and put me in an allowance.
Oh he's also bipolar but not on meds.
Am I going crazy! Am I just imagining all this because I'm hurt and because he left? Am I looking for flaws where there aren't any? He was the sweetest person you could ever meet in the beginning. But he's been changing, becoming more and more demanding and controling. I don't know what to think. PLEASE HELP!!
Hello MB28, it was his idea to seperate. He asked me to leave and that he would pay for the deposit and necessary expenses for me to leave the house (with my two children). He said if I would dare to come home he wouldn't pay his half of the bills and I would loose the house anyways. I agreed at first but after a week of looking for an apartment for the sake of argument, I decided to come back home and told him to leave. I told him if he didn't pay it would not only affect my credit but his. So he agreed on paying half.
He says it's over but then says to seperate for 6 months. Not sure if he said 6 months because he finishes school in 6 months. We had been fighting a lot for some of the dumbest things imaginable. I don't cheat, go out with friends, spend money on clothes, nore go on expensive get aways. I pretty much just stay at home and focus on the kids and him.
He mentions things that happenend 6 months ago when we fight. Things like I didn't call Terminix when he told me too. That I was supppose to take care of everything in the house and he had to help around the house. He asked me to quit my job so that I could focus on teh kids and on the home. But I still pay half of everything becuase I have other forms of income. My last day was 12/14/09, and he moved out 1/2/10!
He was really wonderful at the beginning and even a few weeks ago. He's been distant and arguementative about everything. Not sure if it was just an excuse to seperate since now he has 15k in the bank from a student loan.
Oh dear. Please get over to Newcomers and I'll try to send some help. Meanwhile, tell us more about your sitch. Years married, kids ages, some examples of how you FEEL. Where do you see yourself in a year? Two years? Five years. I kinda have my hands full right now, I'll round up a couple of friends. Are you reading the book, or following any threads? Goldey
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
