What are your baby steps?

[TooLateForMe]

I've been rereading DR and got to the babysteps part. I had to sit down and think what those where.

W said she was proud of me.
She sent me pictures of herself when I asked (for an art project) instead of reacting with suspicion.
She called to check up when she couldn't answer an email.

Baby steps, I have to keep reminding myself, are steps. I'm working on being more loving, more open, giving and listening and hopefully this will produce some results.

I wanted to check with the others here and see what you all have seen as small steps toward either reconciliation or at least a better relationship.

[patpat]

This is hard but....

1. W went from ILYBINILWY in Oct. 09 to I Love you in Dec. 09...

2. W and I are laughing and smiling more when we are around each other.

3. W is starting to stop by home some (after 3 month absence) and is calling me now.

These are very small baby steps. Thing is, take note so you know that what you are doing is working for you. But do not read alot into thwe baby steps right now Mark. Sandi2 says 'believe nothing that you here, and only 50% of what you see".

Good Luck my friend!

[TooLateForMe]

Your baby steps are bigger than mine. Steps are steps and I have to keep a positive attitude about even the smallest ones. The next goal is for W to call me just to talk.

I wish I could get to "I love you," but I'll have to be patient. She's still in a weird place and as things settle down and I'm no longer a threat I think she'll soften.

[TooLateForMe]

Bump. Come on, share your baby steps.

[Ready2Change]

My baby steps are small and far between. My former spouse has granted permission for S10 to spend a day with my dad during her parenting time. Of course that was based on my 180 of setting a boundary and letting her choice have consequences to HER. Boundaries work.

[TulsaTime]

patpat,
Great progress! I hope it keeps improving.

Mark,
Baby steps are better than backward steps.

Although divorce is proceeding later this month, I still plan to keep fighting/praying for my marriage. Wife has gone from being hostile and cold to being civil at least.

[patpat]

Mark...

Remember, time is your ally. Patience is what it is going to take, and keep DB'ing. 180's and gal'ing. My W is noticing. W is still with OM, but things are changing for me.

I thought I could not compete with OM because W has moved out and I rarely see her. I was fighting all the advice that I have been given on this board.

Finally, I started to do the things I was told to do.. Boundaries, and sticking to them.... No contact (LRT) until I bleed, and 180'ing everything in my life.... for myself, no body esle.

Funny how it works.... W has started to call me. W has flipped on the I love you thing.... but W is still seeing OM ocassionally and that is the reason for the boundary. She knows what she wants, she will have to make a choice... but no matter what choice she makes, I am in control on me. And if she wants that, that being me, she has to make some hard choices and follow it with even harder action. I got time.

I still do not think I am out of the water, far from it but the baby steps I have noticed are nice... But let me say again, it is okay to be positive about them, but dio not be over enthusiastic about them.... keep a record of what you are doing so you will know and can track what you are doing that works. The things that do not work for you, kill them, and try something else.

I pray that you get your "I love u's " back... and it will take time. My W is aslo still in a weird place. She is an alien, but when she crashes and she will, she'll have that "what was I thinking" thought going on and then there will be hope.

As for being a threat. remember, give her a no pressure enviroment when she is around you, on the phone or elsewhere...

What are you doing to be a threat to W? 180 those things.

No R/M talk etc... stay upbeat and smile when she is around. Smile while talking to her over the phone, she can sense it. Do not be readily available when she needs to talk to you etc....

These are the things I should have been doing from the jump.

Did'nt listen well. Now that I am doing them, I am seeing little positive steps. Does not mean things are fine, just moving slowly forward in a slightly positive direction.

W stated she does not want to file for divorce. Positive sign, but that still does not mean that she does not want one. See, still not there yet.

Good Luck Mark, you are in my prayers....

[gutwrenching]

Baby steps:
- Two months later, when she walks by me in the kitchen, she no longer twists/contorts her body to ensure there is no chance we brush up against each other
- Being able to watch a movie together in same room
- Showing respect
- Allowing me to help her with things
- One or two hugs a day on most days, though I had to initiate until just yesterday
- Still in the house, hasn't left
- Wearing wedding band after taking off for about a week
- Wish I could get to ILY, but not there. Wish I could get to a small kiss, but not there
- There might be a couple more within the last 2 days, but I want to see if they last before I call it a baby step. I have seen baby steps reverse after a couple days and actually become a step backwards

[Wonderful!]

Baby steps:

Said she does not want a divorce
Wants to take recovery slowly
Occassionally, laughs at my jokes. (Occassionally, I find my humor again.)
Allowed me to put my hand on hers for a period of time at a movie
Allowed me to hug her
Has used the "We" word
Is in MC and IC

[gutwrenching]

That is a good one I forgot about, using the "we" word. Not always using it, but occassionally. For weeks and weeks, it was "I" and now sometimes I hear "we"