Can any good come out of giving W some "space"

[brknheart]

My W wants "space" so I gave it to her. Its been 2 weeks since I moved out. Many people have said to not move out, but its either try this or get a D (and move out anyway). The W doesnt want to talk to me, says she needs a break from talking about the R.

Im just curious if this can lead to anything positive or if I should make some type of move.

[Virtually_Handsome]

says she needs a break from talking about the R.

If this was the only way you could stop talking about the R, then you needed to do it. If you can get the focus off of her, and focus on yourself good can come of it.

[HHIF]

I moved out too because she needed space and was going to move out if I didn't,thought it best for kids if she stayed in house with them.

Some good can come out of it and did for me,you have to back off of her and focus on you,she is going to do what she is going to do.I used the time to read and pray allot and give her time and space to focus on her and what she was doing instead of worrying about R talks.

Little by little as I backed off,stopped calling or emailing she would call me and ask me over for dinner,breakfast on weekends etc.I just became her friend and didn't force R talks.

I am now back home and we still have a long way to go but at least we are under the same roof and getting along well as friends,but if I had kept forcing R talks and pushing her we would be divorced already.

[brknheart]

good to hear HHIF. Backing off is all I can do, its very hard though...

[brknheart]

One thing I am worried about is her getting use to not having me around. I guess if that happens, then she really doesnt love me anymore...

[nikblondiew]

I wonder about this too.......my H and I are separated for the second time in 2 years. My counselor said separations can be a good thing if they are productive separations with goals/plan.
Otherwise it seems like time just goes on and nothing happens at least in our case.

[HHIF]

I worried about that too and she will probably put on a strong front and act like she has it all together and is doing fine without you,mine did and it was hard because I was torn up inside and just wanted to with her but she acted like she was just fine with out me.

I had to really work at,and still am working at GAL and let her see me as strong and independent and that I would be just fine with out her.Inside was still a mess but outside could not show that.

My wife was so afraid of feeling trapped and smothered again that as she began to see me doing my own thing and not calling her and emailing her etc. she felt more at ease around me and things slowly started to improve.

[brknheart]

@HHIF,

So you have been living with your family again since 3/1/08? You mentioned earlier you are getting along as friends, are you intimate with each other? Sorry for the personal question, but thats one of the things I am worried about if my W and I move back in together and work on the M. We agreed that M counseling is needed, so that should help...if she decides to work on the M.

[HHIF]

We are really living like roommates right now,any physical contact is few and far between,every once in awhile she will in her own way let me know she is feeling horny and I of course am glad to help her out with that but after that night it's back to roommates again.

She is very complicated and it takes allot of patience,but the truth is I would rather be where we are now instead of seperated or divorced.

It certainly isn't the marriage I want but for right now it's what we have.

I am trusting and praying that she will work her way through whatever she is going through and we will reconnect and rebuild a better marriage but that won't happen until she decides she wants it.

If she was in any way cruel or running around and partying and staying out all night or if there was another man it would be a different story but I love this woman and would rather have the parts of her I do have than nothing at all.

[brknheart]

I just emailed a friend of my wifes, telling her I haven't talked to my wife in a week. I said I dont feel like my wife cares about me, yet my wife says she does. Her friend said actions speak louder than words. I replied back, true, that I wish we could at least be talking and doing things one night a week, making this situation productive. She replied back that she wouldn't waste her time at this point. I replied back if thats her way of saying my wife says its over. She replied back, thats her best guess. Last week her friend said my wife flip flops back and forth every other day, that she isnt sure what she is going to do in the end. I know I shouldn't give up unless I feel its time, but comments like this take hope away from me. The Divorce Remedy book says never give up, even in the darkest hours. I feel so helpless sitting back and doing nothing. Its like seeing something moving further and further away and Im not doing anything to get closer to it.