Life Update...

[theotherhalf]

Hey all, thought I'd check in. Give an update and see how you all are. My the changes. I see some of you are still here. It's been a long time. Alot has happened. Maybe my post can help someone here. Where to begin...

April 2007 I filed for divorce. H went bazerk. He came to me. Litterally got down on his knees, cried and begged for me to take him back. I told him it was too late. He drank heavily again and did nothing but harass and threaten me. OW was still here picking up the pieces for him. H never got a lawyer. We sold the farm, all livestock, all machinery, everything. I got half of all machinery and livestock, H demanded 2/3 of the farm. Not fair, but I did not want to drag this out any longer so I agreed. He was evil and I just wanted it over. By the end of June we were divorced.

H is still in MLC I believe. OW is still there. They are broke up every weekend it seems. So I hear. He has nothing much to do with D18. Blames it on her. Says he tries. D16/(adoptedN) Went to live with her mom in November. I had done all I could do with her too.

I never call H. I avoid him at all cost. He pretty much stays away. About once a month he'll call or stop in. Talk and talk all about his life. Last time he was here for over and hour. He went on and on how bad his life is. How he's lost everything and there's not much point anymore. He even went as far as to ask me advice about OW. He's still angry. He's still selfish. He's still denying. Says he's just fine. He still blames me for it all. If I would have done this, or not done that. But he knows, I know he knows. He still has so many demons haunting him and running his life. He'll never face them and take responsibilty. It's sad. But no one can help him. I don't believe he'll ever find his peace. A good life wasted it really is.

Me I am doing good. I have sunshine in my life and his name is Brian. He's absolutely wonderful. I've never been treated with more respect or kindness. We spend alot of time together. But I am no way ready for any big commitments. I still miss my ex and my exlife. I still have many issues I am working on and working through. I continue to take baby steps every day. I am currently still living here on the farm. I rent from the new owner. What a Godsend he has been to let me live here till I found something else. I bought a house in the town I work in. I take pocession Thursday. I am excited! Don't know how I will like living in town but excited about getting out of here and starting new. I am working on taking some classes to further my education. Want to broaden my skills so as to find a better paying job. Times are tough!!

So I guess... like I've read here, filing for D did bring my H back. But he would never have stayed. He still wouldn't have let go of OW. Life is so different now. There is no more fighting. No more drinking. No more walking on eggshells. No more fear. No more sadness. No more cruelty. No more meanness. I have peace in my life. Something I've never had.

Got to get ready for work. But I'll be back...

[a new 2moro]

TOH< Glad to see your life is on good solid ground! You were able to get off your xh's sinking ship and not just survive but thrive. Got to admitt your leap to the lifeboat was a little shakey, but you righted it and made your way to shore. You are a sucess story, glad you came back to share!

[peacetoday]

Thanks for the update OH
Glad to hear you are moving ahead and doing so well
peace

[braveheart]

Sounds like you have your life moving in the right direction! I would only make this suggestion. Cut all contact with XH, he is only looking to place blame and deflect any responsibility from himself. If and when he ever grows up, then I would speak to him.

[Andabelle]

Alright! Good for you, TOH.

[theotherhalf]

Hi an2m,
How is life treating you? I hope that things are well. I don't know if I'd call my "story" a success. Yes, life is good. I'm happy. I'm moving on. BUT. I didn't get save my M. Something I wanted so badly for so long. I really do miss my soul mate. My best freind. My life with him (when it was good and he was good). I really did not want my life to end up like this.
But as we all know here. We don't always get what we want. I always believed that our lives were our own. That we were in controll of where we went and what we did. Who we spent it with. I was so wrong.
God dealt me a new hand almost 3 years ago. I had to finally take that hand and make something of it no matter how much I didn't want to.
I'll probably always have regrets. I'll always wish things could have been different. But...It is what it is...
Good luck to you an2m

[theotherhalf]

Thank you peace, how are things for you. I pray that they are well.

BH I do my best to keep all contact with exh at a bare minimum. But to be truthful, he really doesn't bother me anymore. I learned sooo much over the 2 years I spent here and reading books. The stuff that comes out of his mouth, it's just words. I've loved that man for a very long time. I know him better than anyone. I "see" things so differently than whats on the outside. I keep hoping that one day he'll be better. That he'll find peace. But if I'm honest with myself, I don't think it will happen.
So talking with him, I don't want to, but, I do care about him. Always will. So I will. But again, bare minimum, it's all I need to see how he is. He's always claiming he wants to be friends. That will never happen. To many hurts. He still tries to hurt me but he can't anymore, I won't let him. I love him too much. I hate him too much. Does that make sense?

Thank you AB

[theotherhalf]

Once in awhile. I let my mind go back. (Cautiously, shortly) I'm still shaking my head as to how and why this all happened. I still can't believe it. I still question as to what really happened to my H. My D's F. When someone asks I don't have an answer, other than "I don't know, it really is the craziest thing". He changed soo much. I'll never understand.

[theotherhalf]

Is Trese still here? MWG? Those are the only 2 I can think of right now?

[a new 2moro]

from where you were at...that lowest point, facing jail time...spinning like crazy in your H's mire...yes you are a success story! We all used to dread not hearing from you for a few days....it almost always meant another major side back for you. Now look where you are! You are in control of your life and your r's with your xh, the new man and working on YOU 1st and foremost. That my dear is awsome that you have grown that much