Help, with staying on task )-:

[mb28]

I finally made it one day without contacting H. It was so hard, I keep trying to come up with excuses in head to call, email or text him, but I stopped myself. I hope that I will have the same success today. I had to change my goals last night; they were just not specific enough. Originally, my main goal was to have him move back in. Now I've changed it to him calling me for something other than the kids, house, or divorce talk. I am hoping that with me not contacting him, it will happen in the next week or so. About 2 weeks after our separation, I had to have surgery on my broken leg, and was out of it, so I didn't contact him for 2 days. Then, he finally called me and asked me to go with him to his company Christmas party. At the time, I just thought he asked me so that he wasn't the only single one there. Now I have to hope that it was because I didn't push for those couple of days. Unfortunately, after that I pushed clear until this Friday.

I know everyone’s periods are different, but I wonder how long it will take him to respond to me not contacting him. As I said before, I'm a very inpatient person, so I'm learning pertinence the hard way! Being in limbo is the worst part of all of this, I just wish he would throw me a bone (-:

Here is a sample of some of the stuff he said to me last time we texted back and forth. I know we are not supposed to believe everything we see or hear, but was hoping someone could give me some insight into what he said so I can try to make sense of some of it. I’m still looking at it emotionally I would love a rational opinion:

H: I can not handle this. I have no life no home nothing. i have the kids and that is all.
Me: I'm sorry, But you have me too!!!!!
H: I don’t
Me: I know you feel that way right now, but I promise you, I am here for you no matter what.
H: I thought alot last night and I am so alone. but im not doing this again I cant. I feel like u have crushed me and I feel we should move on. this playing in limbo is hurting more
Me: I'm sorry I can't move on )-: I love you to much to let you go. This limbo is killing me too. All I'm asking for is just a little bit of time togther.
H: when I think about how I feel I know in my heart I cant do it you want me to stay and we can pretend is that what u want. u say I can get over it but u do nothing to help all u do is push me away u r still trying to control me
Me: What can I do to help you? I don't want to keep pushing,
H: let go
Me: I'm sorry that you feel I'm controlling you, that is not what i want to do. I'm just asking for some time with you. Just a few weeks
H: I can not do it anymore I need an identity. I cant My heart hurts I start to forgive then u piss me off again it will never work. Im alone now and lost and the only thing I can do is find my place
Me: From this point I will leave you alone. Just know that I do love and care for you deeply, and my heart aches for you every minute of every day.
H: all think of is the kids this is hard on them we need to get consistency in there lives. and I need it. i tried and tried to work it out u wouldnt listen u where cold and mean and I cant come back from the place I have been put. I have lost my world. I have been rejected and now u want me to come back for more

Together 16 years
Married 12 years
Kids D9 & S6
Seperated 12/3/09

[SDFoundGirl]

He's asking for space, so give it to him. It's standard script from the WAS. My H said almost verbatim some of the things your H texted to you.

Give him space. Go dark except for the kids. Any interaction is pleasant, upbeat, NO PRESSURE, NO R TALK.

Work on YOURSELF. Those complaints he listed? Look for how they're true, and start to work on them. The only way you have a chance for H to come back is to give him time and space. I know it's difficult, but it's also necessary.

This is a marathon not a sprint, so get yourself busy, get working on making yourself the better option, and let H go. Control is an illusion anyway. He needs the time to get things sorted out, and when he comes out of the fog, do you want to be the same W you were?

Let go.

SD

[SDFoundGirl]

I also noticed you have several threads started; stick with ONE so people can follow your sitch and find you. The weekends are pretty slow, so be patient. In the meantime, read others' threads and post there; it will increase traffic for you.

SD

[mb28]

SDFoundGirl
Thank you, I will keep them in one thread. Letting go is the hardest part )-:

[kara]

It is the hardest part but many times it is the only way. Letting THEM come to you when and if they are ready is the only option of value.

[mb28]

SBFoundGirl,
I would love to hear about your situation? Are you/or have you been separated? What techniques have you used, and what worked for you, and the results you got?