Thought I would start a thread over here (hope there's room left). Some of you know me - I recognized some of the posters over here.
Bomb April 2009, followed by the usual mistakes on my part. I have been DB'ing since May 2009. Don't believe there is or was an OM. W simply does not want to be M'd. But, she has done nothing to move forward with a D. And, it's been quite a while.
While we are living under the same roof (and have been since the bomb), we are, for ALL intents and purposes, seperated. Seperate bedrooms since the bomb.
In late Nov., W agreed to go to MC and agreed that reconciliation was something she would consider. A couple of weeks later, she says she never said reconciliation was on the table and she was only going to MC for co-parenting." At that point, I was done. I remain open to work on the M if she decides to, I am convinced she means it and I still am willing to. I see no other alternative than pushing forward with hammering out an agreement and/or filing a D action.
Hope I can continue to learn over here and maybe help others a little too.
Yes. I saw about your Retro deal (unless I'm confusing you with C-Bart). Just do the best you can to reign in those expectations.
Wow, just notice our ages are very close, our W's ages are very close, our kids' ages are very close and we've both been M'd 13 years. That, on top of very similar sitchs.
Gima, Yeah, I have seen your posts elsewhere. Welcome to the forum. How has your DBing efforts been going? What are you doing that is working? What is not? Have you tried anything different?
I wish I was still under the same roof with my W after the sh!t I have been through since I lost my cool and kicked her out. However, the until the separation I could not stop doing all the wrong things and really detatch from her which I can honestly say I have not done 100% yet.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
GIMA, you are confusing me with C-Bart. That's OK. He's really close to my sitch as well. You both are ahead on your arcs and I'm watching to see how it goes.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
It is interesting as most marriages have issues at 5 years, 7 years and 14 years. My M is coming up on 5 years and by the time our aniversary rolls around I am sure that we will be separated.
I will probably be joining you over here soon, GIMA. Keep you head high you have helped a ton of people and also done you DB'ing with strength and honor.
M 33 | W 34 | Kids: S4, S3 M: 5/28/05 Bomb: 8/22/09 EA: 8/1/09 | PA 12/26/09 W L: 10/21/09 M L: 11/16/09 | 12/09 to file SA W & Boys Move Out: 3/14/10
Gima, Yeah, I have seen your posts elsewhere. Welcome to the forum. How has your DBing efforts been going? What are you doing that is working? What is not? Have you tried anything different?
I wish I was still under the same roof with my W after the sh!t I have been through since I lost my cool and kicked her out. However, the until the separation I could not stop doing all the wrong things and really detatch from her which I can honestly say I have not done 100% yet.
Thanks for the welcome. Can't say I've done much DB'ing (consciously at least) since W said she never agreed to go to MC for reconciliation. Since then, I have focused even more (already was) on my kids and myself.
I have pulled back from W, not rudely, but in an effort to bring some reality to what her post-D life will look like. No family trips - she doesn't want to keep the family together. No birthday (Dec. b'day) or Christmas present from me to her - just from the kids to her. There are others, too numerous to mention.
I don't mean to sound bitter - I battle a little resentment occasionally, but I am not bitter. Disappointed, yes. But, I know I cna't do this for her.
And, obviously, so far, what I have done hasn't worked. Which is part of the reason for me being done.
GIMA, you are confusing me with C-Bart. That's OK. He's really close to my sitch as well. You both are ahead on your arcs and I'm watching to see how it goes.
Sorry about th confusion.
As for my sitch, I can't say I have much hope at all I will be M'd this time next year. But, one never knows.
It is interesting as most marriages have issues at 5 years, 7 years and 14 years. My M is coming up on 5 years and by the time our aniversary rolls around I am sure that we will be separated.
I will probably be joining you over here soon, GIMA. Keep you head high you have helped a ton of people and also done you DB'ing with strength and honor.
Thanks buddy. You hang in there as well. You are doing the right thing.
