I'm starting the new year with a quandary. Seems that I forgot about the Feb Retro meeting I signed up for. W had committed to going as a condition of D. Just got off the phone with the coordinator and I need to confirm. Guess that means I need to break the silence and ask her.
Any suggestions how to approach this? I'm thinking something like this:
W, I know this might sound like it is completely out of the blue but the Retro team called and want to know if we are still interested in attending. Not sure if you are still interested...
or
Retro called this afternoon and I decide it would be nice to go and hear what they have to say. If nothing else we both can get a sense of closure prior to finalizing the D. Would you do me a favor and plan on attending?
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Well never mind. I made the call to wife and she is willing to go. Qualified it by saying she didn't think it would make a difference but it was probably a good idea. We are both going in with the mindset of this will bring some closure prior to the D being finalized.
Lots of strange coincidences happening this week. Things retro calling and lawyers calling and other things that would make me sound silly. Trying to keep my expectations down.
Praying for a miracle.
Last edited by C-Bart; 01/02/1010:42 PM.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Hi Bart, Happy New Year! I havent followed your sitch and I couldnt advise you since I dont know the details. Judging by the outcome, you did good. Keep your heart open and your expectations really low. Retro for some folks was a miracle, maybe you are due for yours... Stay strong K
Good for you, C-Bart! I'm sure your 3 children would agree that it is a good idea to try that before divorce! Yes, there are miracles there. Not enough for everybody. But you might be one of the lucky ones!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Not saying never just trying to keep expectations low.
Been reading the book Boundaries. Pretty eye opening. Kind of puts some meat on some of the concepts discussed in the mr. nice guys book. Actually is seems like boundaries have become my new focus. Trust me I can use all the help I can get on this subject.
Had a conversation about boundaries with my W today. She is very much clueless when it comes to the subject. Maybe there in lies the problem. Two "adults", three kids and no understanding of effective boundary setting or honoring. What a mess.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Hey, I was going to ask you something. You mentioned I should try to change the agreements with W. I really hate even talking about this stuff with her -- the last time was Oct. 22
How do I even broach it? Send her an email saying I met with my attorney and he doesn't paint a pretty picture for either of us. Can we get together and discuss it?
My stomach is in knots even typing that paragraph.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Hey, I was going to ask you something. You mentioned I should try to change the agreements with W. I really hate even talking about this stuff with her -- the last time was Oct. 22
How do I even broach it? Send her an email saying I met with my attorney and he doesn't paint a pretty picture for either of us. Can we get together and discuss it?
My stomach is in knots even typing that paragraph.
CTH,
Isn't this what you hired the L for? Does W have a L?
CTH, Just ask her. Manage you anxiety and ask her.
Make sure its about you and your decisions and nothing else. This is the hard part.
Try something like I've decided after being apart for the last eight months that this agreement is not working for me (or the kids). I would like to change it so one I have the kids 50% of the time. Additionally I plan on reducing my support payments accordingly.
It would help if you had a plan in mind or on paper for how you plan to split custody 50/50.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
