Trying to move on

[Kemper]

CTH,

Otherwise, it was the same look I've seen on her face since the start. Certainty. Certain that she doesn't love me anymore and may have never loved me. Certain that a divorce is the only thing that will make her happy. Certain that there's no point to attempting to reconcile.

I'm certain that she's wrong, that she did love me and does still, it's just buried under depression. I'm certain she'll realize it someday, but she may be too stubborn to ever admit it. And I'm certain this is going to be the tragedy of my daughters' childhood.

I could have written the exact same thing as that is how I feel as well.

When will I give up hoping?

She is the mother of your daughters. At this point I don't know that I would ever give up that feeling. I think the best thing for my boys is to have a happy family with their Mom and Dad. Not a happy step-family but who know what will happen in the future. I am sure only time will change that feeling/thought. At this point though as hard as it is I don't want to give up that hope.

C-Bart,

You just want to shake her and say "this is the situation you created you big dummy."

If that would only work I will be doing it every day. I know exactly how you feel.

[ClingingToHope]

I am starting to love work again. Gives me a chance to focus. Saw girls briefly today. W was off work and brought them by because D7 wanted me to pass around the girl scout cookie sheet.

They both saw their counselor today. Interestingly, the last time they saw the counselor was back in March when W and I were actually thinking things were turned around. In fact, that day when the counselor asked us how we were doing, W said things were much better.

Weird how quickly that window closed and then how tightly it closed. W said she got five minutes to talk to the counselor as well. I wonder what was said.

Who knows. I didn't even look at W. I just said hi to the girls, took the sheet, gave them both hugs and kisses and said I'd see them tomorrow.

[ClingingToHope]

Doing some D research and I discovered that child support isn't tax deductible but something called unallocated spousal maintenance is tax deductible.

Anyone out there using this loophole in IRS law?

I'm considering pitching it to W in our next D discussion, whenever that may be.

Side note, tonight I start a small business development class. I'm not really the entrepreneurial type, but a coworker is and he has an idea but not the time to take the class.

I now have the time -- and it's something different.

[nikblondiew]

Cling...good for you on taking the class. That's great!

[WeldingGuy]

Doing some D research and I discovered that child support isn't tax deductible but something called unallocated spousal maintenance is tax deductible.

Anyone out there using this loophole in IRS law?

Be careful. Alimony IS deductible, but it is also much more nebulous and can be hard to end it....

Child support is a formula, and ends at the age of emancipation in most states. Calculated number, finite start and end date.

[mishka422]

Exactly....unallocated spousal maintenance is just another name for alimony. Alimony is tax deductable for you but your W would pay tax on it. CS is not tax deductable for you and your W wouldn't have to pay tax on it. In the end, everyone is screwed. You know the IRS.....they're going to get you coming and going.

[LolaL]

Check your state, though, because emancipation does not necessarily mean 18 anymore. If your child is in college, I believe it can go to 21, and insurance until 25.

[ClingingToHope]

Mishka, in the site I found on unallocated spousal support they said basically it's the IRS that gets screwed.

[ClingingToHope]

Another shoe is falling -- perhaps. W called. She put in for a refinance on our primary mortgage. They are seeing if they can refinance it just in her name. The mortgage rate would fall from 6.25 percent to 5 percent, so it's a smart move.

We tried to refinance it together last year but were turned down because the value had fallen from $132k to $125k and we owed $125k after refinancing in 2007 to pay for flood repairs.

I sincerely doubt she'll get approved. She said they'll run the numbers to see if they'd refinance with both of us.

The house is a money pit. It has a crack running along the ceiling. It has a leak in a wall. The ground is giving way between the house and the garage. It has a massive dead tree that needs to be cut down and hauled off.

Last year, before I moved out, I made a list of things that needed to be fixed or improved so we could sell the place. It was something like 27 separate items.

The real estate market is not going to rebound for another 18 months -- too many foreclosures on the market. She would have to put $5,000 to $10,000 in to try to sell it for a profit and I still don't think she will.

I've got a call into my attorney. My gut feeling is that if she can refinance on her own, great. Get my name off that property because I think it will sink her financially.

If she needs me to refinance though, I'm not sure what to do.

[awest1217]

That is hard because if you don't help W refinance she probably will go under, which means you too since your name is on it right now, but if you help to refinance and she goes under maybe in a year (which by then you should have the D and during the D the house can be put in her name if she does it), you still go under as well. Let's just pray that things keep going your way and there is some government loan she can get where she can refinance in her name alone. Then she gets a lower payment and you are out from under it.