I had the kids to stay with me on Saturday . My wife had some friends round . I needed to get some more bedding (my internal intention was to check up on her ! not good) . Spoke nicely to her friends she was friendly and left without staying too long. Kids have been telling me that om has come around everynight but leaves before they go to bed. They also said mummy told us not to tell you.
I phoned her next day to say i was going to take the kids for a meal and did she want to come. She said "yes that would be nice) . I went round and the kids watched telly while i helped change the beds tidied up , put stuff away, tried and failed to disipline the boy (he ignored me and he was upset and said something to my wife which i didn't hear.)
Wife made a point of not sitting opposite or beside me for the meal. I was chatty and friendly , not just to her but the staff etc. Went back and the wife was called on her mobile and she hung up twice , she said it was her friend but she didn't want to speak to her...odd !?!? She began talking about her workfriend who had a place that i could maybe rent and whether she should ask for me. I said no because that would sound weak that i need her to find me somewhere to live. I need to find my assertivness more !
me 37 w 37 s8 d6 bomb 09/21/09 IDLY I move out 10/04/09
I need to stop my backslides , stop snooping , being jealous , DETACH ! and carry on with GAL. I stopped my GAL basically over the xmas period as i concentrated on the wife and what she would think/want. My mum complains that i jump to my wifes every whim , but i FEEL i need to do this to keep the contact up and be with her hoping she will say 'I LOVE YOU COME HOME!!'
me 37 w 37 s8 d6 bomb 09/21/09 IDLY I move out 10/04/09
Hi lost-1972- the vets will be along soon to help you with that one but I am pretty sure from all the past threads I have read that they will tell you that it is YOUR house and you have a right to be there...hang in there!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
No, do not say all that whinny stuff to her. Here is what I would do,
Show up, with your stuff and simply say, "I have decided to move back in to my house with my family, for me it is the right thing to do." And then proceed to move in. Get ready for all hell to be unleashed on you. DO NOT DO THIS TOMORROW, DO IT TODAY!
The thing your wife is missing is respect for you, and since women tie their feelings of respect to the feeling of love, it is important for you to do this.
When my wife wanted me to leave, I simply said, "I am not leaving my house, I am not the one that wants to separate. If you would like to move out, I will help you get an apartment and you can see the kids anytime you would like." She said, "I do not like that at all." But, what could she do, her master plan was not going like she had thought it would. She thought I would leave, we would get the D, and then she actually thought we would sell the big house and get two smaller houses next door to each other so the kids could go back and forth. Me not moving out was the first step of getting her out of la la land.
One mistake I made was thinking a consolation for her was to move out of the marital bed into the spare bedroom. After, a few nights I came to my senses and said, "this is our bed, I do not have a problem sleeping here, you are more than welcome to sleep with me in it, if you do not want to, then the bed in the spare room is nice." She through a fit, but she did not leave the bed.
You have a man in YOUR house at night, with your wife, and you children and you do not want to mess anything up? My God, what is this teaching your children. Time to be a man, fight for your wife, maybe that is what she is waiting for?
The problem is when you ASK a WAS to do something (ex: please be friendly) it won't happen.
You need to tell the WAS this is what I am doing. You can like it or not like, either way is fine by me but I will continue to do what is best for me and my children. Period.
You have lived outside of YOUR home for several months and it hasn't seemed to phase your W a bit. Why do you think you phoning her and asking her to work on things would change a thing?
I am not suggesting you be mean or cruel or make threats or anything like that. I also don't suggest you go barging through the door like a maniac. Just be firm about what you are doing and leave it at that.
ok Thanks. I need 1 more day to get myself together . NO phone call , just turn up after work and weather the storm. I know i shouldn't predict it but.....
me 37 w 37 s8 d6 bomb 09/21/09 IDLY I move out 10/04/09
Yep, go back home, like everyone else said. And when you get back in there, be calm and cool. Do not placate her every whim and do not react to her *predictable* anger.
