Been over in the WAW, Midlife crisis, etc...posts since my wife dropped the bomb back in May. I had my boundaries, she crossed them several times. I am like most guys whose wife comes home one day and says she is done. I did everything I could to save the marriage. She was done from the word go. Not sure if she ever had a physical affair. It was definitely an emotional one. After pleading with her over the months to stop communicating with him so we can try to work on our marriage she continually said no. She cancelled counseling, Retrouville.
Then when she took my sons out to eat with him and his family because she was showing his uncle a house--I had enough. I could only get stepped on so much. I filed for divorce. My mantra has been you have to save yourself before you can save your kids. I have saved myself, at least I think. Not crying anymore about the loss of her. Able to be happy around the kids. Just all around good attitude while I am indifferent to her around the house. She actually got made at me this morning for acting happy...
She has taken a different turn. Drinking too much. Angry alot--Her friends dumped her and somewhat ran to me. Wasn't asking for it, they just think the way she went about this process is horrible. I would have to agree. She has treated me worse than a dog.
Living in the same house is torture. But for my kids, I would do anything. I am in the process of buying her out. We will split the time with the kids 50/50.
My issue really is the anger I have. Not as much about me(I will survive this), but the anger of what my sons will go through. Angry that she never tried to fight for the marriage. Angry that my sons will now be different because she was a coward and never really told me there was a problem this severe. I have told her to stop blaming me for her lot in life. Stop blaming because she thinks life has past her by. Stop blaming for being controlling about money. She is the one that chose not to learn anything about the finances. Never seemed to care when our visa bill was $5,000 several times a year. She gave a list of about 20 things I have done over the years--I get it, I wasn't perfect no one is. My favorite was when I was in grad school 10 years ago and she felt lonley. c'mon..
But I have come full circle and I know I was a good husband.
It seems that I may be making this about me. OK, part is. But I seem to just cry when I think of the pain my sons will go through once we tell them. No kid deserves what they will go through. I may forgive what she did to me someday, but I can never forgive someone who hurts my sons...
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
I only have one thing to say. My good friend, frank_d, once said to me:
You'll be OK.
You will. Trust me. Continue to keep to the high road. Protect your boundaries but continue to treat with her with as much respect as possible, and, move on.
Blessings. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
