Great day that ended as expected but I was hoping for more, time to go quiet on her and let her do the next call or text or whatever. Got home from work today about 1:00, did not know if we were going to do something as a family or not. Quickly found out we were and my W was up to it. BTW when I came in she looked awesome!! as usual, this woman does not get out of bed to pee in the middle of the night w/o fixing her hair first. Does not make this any easier, she can walk in to any bar/club whatever and have any man she wants.
We started out going to local sports bar for a late lunch, all of us me, W, D13, S9. Went fine but my W excused herself to wash her hands and was gone a while. D13 knows everything (A#1, A#2, lying all the BS w/ my W) D13 leans over and says "you know she is in there texting" I told D13 there is nothing we can do about it that we have to let it run its course. D13 and I are kinda doing the same DBing, sucks I know, my W is F*@ked in the head. Other than the bathroom thing we had a nice lunch and W and I downed a couple of brews which eased things a little.
Off to the bowling alley, everyone is in a good mood and we bowled 2 sets and W and I downed about 3 or 4 more beers which really loosen things up. A little touching going on and some exchanged glances but that was it. I was ready to take her out back and jump her bones but back to reality.
She stated that she was going out with 2 of our female friends in our neighborhood, both of them with WAH this year one in feb. 09, and the other june 09 wife dropped bomb on me on 7-1-09. There is definitely something in the water out here. My W even said that she did not know why she was telling me. I can tell you why...b/c subconsciously you and i would be going out to eat tonight beeotch. (Venting) I gave the perfect come back response. "Don't worry I will let you take me out to dinner some other time." She smiled. As we were leaving the bowling alley she said how much fun she had and now walking right beside me, I wanted so bad to put my arm around her put resisted the urge. This is hard!!!! I am feeling the connection and I know she is too but I have to let her come to me. Car ride home I put on some Jimmy Buffet, kids hated it but wife and I were singing along happily a little buzzed from the beer.
Got back to the house and she started to say her goodbyes to the children and waited for me to come back downstairs. Again she stated that she had a good time and had a big smile for me. There was the moment when you are supposed to hug but I resisted the urge to move towards her and there was no hug, that was hard!!! Followed her to the garage and she never stopped, but turned to see if I was behind her, I wasn't. I was standing at the door openner button waiting for her to clear the garage door, as soon as she got past I said goodbye and closed the door and turned out the light.
This is the really hard part. I am already feeling the withdraw symptoms. Isn't there some drug I can take to get me through this? I absolutely have to go dark on her until she initiates contact. As they say in the Godfather..."Time to go to the Mattresses", this is war and I am fighting for my Marriage.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Rift is already there, unfortunately. D13 knows everything, I mean everything!! My W and her had it out the day after I discovered the second affair. My W was/is seriously messed in the head. My W told D13 she had been with multiple men and that the current OM was everything she every wanted in a man. I successfully ended that by enlisting the help of OM's W. OM's W caught them in bed together, got pics the whole 9 yards, that is what sent my W to the nut house for a week during Thanksgiving.
I figured out things would be better if I tried to mend the fence between D13 and W which has been going okay. Today was good for the whole family. D13 is in a good mood w/ friends tonight, I'm with S9 at home. My W is out for dinner then she will probably be out "on the prowl" later. Sucks.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
missherlove, I also had the worst New Years ever! You handled yours well, unfortunately I did not I sent him several texts that night and even left him a voice mail. In addition, the next day continued pursing him to spend some time with me. It is so hard to not contact. However, today I have not contacted him once. It's only one day, but one day at a time right.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Kids D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Your situation sounds alot like mine a few months ago..cake eating, spending time with you and the kids to fill that void and then going out to fill other voids. It is not right at all. I am going to make my W a nice S?!t cake and send it her way.
I would keep my distance like you are doing and play the game, especially since she seems to be showing interest in you or is at least intrigued by your behavior. You are right, she needs to come to you. Base this on her actions, not her words. Aliens will say anything to limit pain and help justify their bad decisions.
Okay, Get out your 2 X 4's I am actually embarrassed to write this but I need to be honest, so I can get honest feedback. I had a huge, big, gigantic backslide late last night.
I am ready for bed, S9 out like a light and D13 still up. It is midnite and I jump on facebook for an instant and what is in my face but a picture just taken of my W with her arms wrapped around some guy in a local bar, knew the bar immediately from the background. One of the ladies she went out with loves to post pics of where she is at and who she is with when she is out. I can't believe she posted this on FB for all to see. I happened to jump on FB 3 minutes after she posted it, yep you guessed it, I got dressed jumped in car and went up there.
Caught her lip locked with this guy in the middle of this packed bar in front 2 of my neighbors and tried to get her to leave no good she was drunk and she broke down in tears big scene. Bottom line everyone left and she ended up spending the night with the neighbor across the street instead of her place b/c she could not drive. I don't know at that point if I messed up or whether I did good.
This morning gut wrenching, skipped church b/c up til 2:30am with all the BS, D13 was up, saw the whole thing, pic too. I saved it on computer before it was pulled down. Hate missing church but I was wiped and so was D13.
Here is the positive in this whole mess. W and I talked big R talk today 3 different times on phone, no hang ups, no raised voices but we talked about separation agreement and getting her Lawyer off my back and we would figure it out and get him to draft the agreement, said I would sign it done. Also talked about things in the past and where we are now and then the possibility of trying to work on the M. She is thinking about it and admitted some wrong doing on her part in the whole sitch. I was man enough to tell her that she screwed up her R with D13 that it was not my fault she knows everything. I further said there would not be anything to know if she had not been screwing around with guy in town. Of course I said all this in a calm tone of voice and she did not hang up or disagree. We talked more today than we had in the last 4 months.
Good? Bad? bring on the 2X4's, I'm going to bed. I'll wake up and count the knots on my head in the morning.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
GIMA, Thanks for the support. I was unsure after I went up to the bar to confront her and felt terrible about it most of the next morning but after we started talking on the phone, I looked at it as a positive. D13 is much stronger than I she is ready to give mom the big boot. I must say that I have some resolve and anytime I feel weak and want to call I am going to look at that picture and it pisses me off. I will continue to be nice and friendly but firm. I think that I am ready to make a statement as to the things I want if she says she wants to work on the R.
Waiting to hear from her Lawyer today. I just got new benefits this year and one of them is legal assistance program, think I will give them a call today to check it out.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I do not even go on facebook anymore becuase of the potential scerio you described. Keep your expectations in check and let your W bring-up the next R discssion. Now is when you want to give her sometime to think things over. No pressure!
Okay, new year, holidays are gone time to get my head screwed back on right. I was living in lala land for the last 2 weeks thinking that there was all this positive stuff going on and I am not going to discount the good vibes between my W and I, I am going to have to get down to the business of a serious separation agreement which in my state is the setup for the divorce. The advantage I have is that you have to wait for a year and a day before you can file for D. So I have until Aug 26 2010, long time to do alot of DBing.
I was going to try to work with my W's lawyer for a collaborative sep agreement but my W finally admitted she wants the house and kids which throws a monkey wrench in the whole thing. Up until now she always said that she wanted me to have the house and kids, should have gotten the agreement then (August 09).
So now I am going to have to spend good money on a lawyer to keep what I already have, the house and the kids. This puts a big damper on the "treating her with unconditional love", I will work through it. I just want to get the whole thing over quickly so it will not be an issue and we can get back to DBing efforts.
By now everyone should know that I am going to look for the positive things in every sitch so here I go. No matter how ugly this process gets I will have many opportunities to do 180's and Act-as-if's. The facebook thing actually turned out good b/c it sparked conversation we have not had in 4 months and she admits wrong doing as do I on the whole bar thing.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
