Well here we go!

[Inpainstill]

Kelly23,

I"m going to buy the book but right now its hard to even think anything will work.My oldest has really blocked me as i said before if wife would be rational and look at the overall picture she would see whos tell who the truth.I only hope as time goes on this kid [who by the way had his 1st child at age 12 and that girl wont let him around her or the baby]. Thank you for your prayers i have wrote some of the best heart felt letter&poems to her but shes not reading them and im starting to feel like a real tool as i was so looking forward to accomplishing everything and and getting her and my girls back.How are you doing?Have not read your post is it in here i try and read afew aday.

[C-Bart]

Well dad an mom met with the wife she is done im lost so lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!says she cant talk to me until probation is over now more road blocks.

Sorry to hear you are in so much pain. We can all relate at some level. What you have to do now is accept the reality of this situation. The more you kick and scream (metaphorically speaking) the less you will accomplish. Fighting reality will not help it will just keep you stuck. Pleading, note writing, pursuing are all forms of fighting with the current reality.

Remember you have work to do on you. Don't let this little bump in the road destroy the progress you have made.

One final thing. Realities change. You and this situation will look completely different in 6 months.

[Steve McQueen]

let me get this straight.

your wife lies to the cops and you spend 8 months in jail.

then you get out and

your daughter tells the cops you molested her.

you lost your business, kids hate you or have disappeared, no one knows where your wife is, drugs, teen pregnancies, your house is a haven for beatniks and you are not allowed near it?

I really like this site and that people post there life stories and complex marital situations and encourage everyone to post, but have you considered hoping on a greyhound and starting a new life in a new city far far far away?

[Gnosis]

IPS, let me get this straight...

This has been your life in 2009:

1. DV charge by SD18 - pokey time
2. Red flags of cheating. Sprained wife's arm - more pokey time
3. PPO, No contact ordered until April 2010
4. SD falsely accuses you of molestation
5. Wife files for D after your name is cleared
6. Wife is not in the marital home and possibly living with another man
7. Your home is infested by low-life cockroaches and a drug dealer.

Ummmmmmm.... Gno is scratching his noggin here....

You say:

you see i was seeing her before her first husband past

she is my soulmate and my friend

So, if I understand this correctly, the woman you married was carrying on an EA with you until her H died unexpectedly. Therefore you were the OM and you were knowingly dating a cheater.

You suspected she was cheating on you. When you revealed your suspicions she, knowing your past anger issues, provoked you into acting out against her. Called the cops and had you locked up. Looks to me like she wanted you out of the picture and not making waves while she pursued her new OM. With things going well with him she then files for D.

This whole thing stinks from top to bottom. These people are genetic waste. They are not even your blood. Sorry man.. I've got a friend who had a TRO filed against him because of nosey neighbors. His wife loved him and they found a way to discreetly be together and screw the court order... what does that tell you?

if some can give me advice please do i want to save my family and my marriage thank you.

If you want advice... the best advice would be to save yourself.

I second Steve McQueen's motion... and hope I don't get banned for it.

[C-Bart]

Save yourself...hasn't that always been the underlying message of DB?

[Gnosis]

Save yourself...hasn't that always been the underlying message of DB?

Yep... but you forgot to add the overall drive for it... "Divorce Busting" i.e. the underlying message remainder is clearly "and hopefully save your marriage too."

[Inpainstill]

Steve mcqueen,

I spent 8 monthes in jail due to a dv,assult charges,stepdaughter file false report with boyfriend unfounded complaint and is dropped.Biz is shut down due to pendind divorce+ she emptyed my bank account,Only one child dislikes me the oldest the other wants me in her life but can not yet plus i guess yesterday dad said her and my wife were ripping on my oldest about her future husband.And my wife told my father to tell me to move on the whole time she was crying plus she said she can not talk to me until my probation is done or the judge says so i say it will be after classes are complete.Wife likes to come home when she wants told dad yesterday was nice to come home late or to stay out and not get questioned.And she wants to talk but does not want the 1000 questions and i can not until the probation crap is done /classes.And yes there is still scum of my oldest daughters liveing and partying at the house.

Gnosis,
Everything is correct except 6 she is still at the house at this moment but is always out most of the time .And yes i know the whole past thing but sometimes we fall in love or you meet the women of your dreams and you overlook things.And i am saveing myself but would like to r with the wife i know there still love there.Also its hard to work things out with my oldest and her boyfriend there my oldest is tell wife to find another like i said i know we can get passed this with time i want to start fresh with her clean slate.

[Kelly23]

IPS,
How do you know she is always out? She probably has been living like she is single for the several months and maybe believes she can make it on her own so why deal with your problems?
Before all of this drama, what did you do to make her feel emotionally connected to you and the marriage?

[Inpainstill]

Kelly23,

Well we have same friends well let me back up shes not running the streets it just she is out more then even when we were together.And your right im a mess as far as problems go my connection with her i thought was deep i made her feel safe in the begining[i know] i would be attentive to her good listener to her and emotional i was there but toward the end ? Tell me how can a women or anybody just throw a relatioship away like it ment nothing i mean not even set down to say your last peace? We were in love and like i said she said i was here true love and and crys when she tell folks for me to move on like i said i just wanted to start with a fresh slate a new me and her to reconnect.For i still love her but to walk away without saying nothing like it was a throw away life .

[Kelly23]

I am not sure how they can throw it away. My husband did the same thing and I do not have an answer for him either.
However, as a wife, I can tell you that the more independent I am, the more self confidence I gain and the less I need a cheating H around.
If I were forced to be away from him, I would actually be even more detached from him than I am.
Fact is, the only thing your wife knows about you since you were charged is what she hears from friends and family. What do you think they are saying about you? That you are sad and depressed and can't live without her? What do you think she wants to hear about you?