Well here we go!

[Inpainstill]

BRIDGE,

Im scared i have never been this scared in my life and i have been in situations where i could of never returned while in the military.But looseing my wife and kids scares me to death her first husband she was married to for 10 yrs before he past unexpectedly yes we where talking to each other as friends and would talk for hrs on the phone she is my soulmate and my friend .

[Bridgestone]

Hi,
Yep I hear you. It's ok to be scared.. It is perfectly normal to be scared to lose your soulmate & best friend. It's ok to be scared.. it's not ok to bite the people that love you when you are. the first person you need to have compassion for is yourself.

It's how you chose to act on that emotion of 'scared' & "out of control" of keeping things the way they were.. that will determine her personal safety with you in the future.

Are you seeing a counselor or just taking the year long courses?

Again I would strongly encourage you to get, read & implement the exercises from the Stosny book... he reporst great success rates with his techniques as opposed to anger management course.

I understand that those are court ordered.... maybe view it as a supplement to what you are already doing in order to make doubley sure that these behaviours don't reoccur.

She may never come back... the fear she has (righfully so) & the pain you have inflicted may be too great for her to risk being in that type of relationship with you.

What you are doing in your recovery is for you and you alone. It is making you a better human being, so you can live with yourself & your actions as you interact with all the people in your life.

Your choice to do the work.... or not.
Again, you are posting here.. you have my vote.

Peace
Bridge

[antlers]

Hey man.

Realize this...the things you need to do from here on out in order to survive and move on successfully with your life without her...are the SAME things you need to do in order for there to be a reconciliation! So, you have nothing to lose by doing them, and everything to gain by doing them. Make sense? Do as you were advised in my first post to you. Stop being afraid. It's understandable, and we all have been there...BUT, many of us have now realized that fear was an emotion that did us absolutely no good at all in our situations. And it will do you no good at all either in your situation...so stop being afraid. Go to work on you, and let the motivation to do the work be because IT NEEDS TO BE DONE...PERIOD. Don't do it to get her back, and don't do it for any other reason other than the one I gave you. You need to be healthy, strong, powerful, secure, confident, and compassionate...first and foremost. So go to work on those things for yourself. This is what you need to do REGARDLESS of anything else. And remember this...you must be compassionate with yourself as well as compassionate with others. You must love yourself as well as loving others. The Golden Rule was based on the premise that we "love others as we LOVE OURSELVES"!
Get to work Inpainstill. And good luck.

[Inpainstill]

Bridge,

Hi when im scared im not saying it like i will act out im scared like a child who is missing his wubby.For lac of a better description im doing everything i humanly can at this point con,classes,father[church],reading and talking here and with friends and working out and working im going to pull this sled till the end.You see i have beat my self up for 8 monthes went from 328 to 212 was a buff dude to where i am today and im alright with that you see i was not in a good place emotional or spirtually but im doing the 180 and i hope she will look up and notice if her oldest will let her but right now shes got mom under her spell but i did find out that little jerk slapped my pregnat daughter and my wife has stopped him from coming around right now .the little dope had better be lucky i can get to him.
Antlers,
being an ex-marine to when i went to the V.a the consuler said the military need to deprogram me or us guys and he thinks its a shame .But like i said most of my pain here came from the not knowing and like i said i would give up every military award 2 purple hearts every biz award just turn back time You see im not a drinker or a drugy but i like to be aggresive and knowing now what i know and what ive done to my family im scared that i may lose them i go to my motion to show cause for the divorce on the 11 of jan.I do not know what will transpirer after that.

[Kelly23]

So she filed for divorce while you are under the no contact order? And you cannot talk to her until April?

[Inpainstill]

Kelly23,


I was in the pokey in early april09till nov09 she filed oct 4 09 no the no contact was a judge ordered standard domestic 1yr no matter the situation verbal or assultive in nature in this state .She is sricking to it and said in april she will talk but cant promise nothing.I am holding out hope&prayer i have given her a few letters she came to my dads and got them but none sense i have been out.She will be seeing my parents tommorow for lunch and im sending a card and 2 poems self writen and an rxpanation letter of the last6 monthes prior to my pokey stay.

[Inpainstill]

Was talking to my dad lastnight he informed me that w would not be doing this if it was not for the elagations of my oldest.She told him she could forgive me for the rest of the stuff and could be back together.If her oldest would no have said what she said but like i told my dad if she would really look at the whole pic she would see her daughter is lieing.I mean from lieing about the boyfriend to me to drugs man her bro is a police officer and the oldest would spend summers down there babysitting and not a word i mean this is crazy all over her future husband the drugdealing pc of crude so she can stay with him my wife said she kicked him out but hes still around i guess my daughters haveing a hard time with the pregnance right now.I really dont know whats all going on for sure but i learned a very good lesson stay out of your step childrens lifes let them date who they want or they will ruin everything.But even though this all has happened i still love them every much i just could NEVER trust her again so this is why my wife is doing all of this .She is meeting my parents today i sent along a card and a few pages of thoughts and telling her i love her.I dont know how to get over this wall its the only thing between me and my wife and i would like to think if she would set down and rhink look back she could see it a lie so her daughter can stay with the boyfriend who she is marrying in april.

[Inpainstill]

I just read my prior post my wife did not see them on tuesday she canceled something about a death.So today she is going to meet them lets cross are fingers i told my parents to try and get a feel for whats going on .

[Inpainstill]

Well dad an mom met with the wife she is done im lost so lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!says she cant talk to me until probation is over now more road blocks.

[Kelly23]

IPS,
You are in a very tough situation but nothing that you cannot overcome. You have to stop sending notes, poems, etc. Your goal is to get your wife back, however, you have not planned your road map to get there. You must go to the library and get the Divorce Busting book. It is going to tell you what roads to take to get to your destination.
Praying for you