Again...what can a man do after he has caused this kind of pain for years to those he was supposed to care about the most?
Antlers, I wanted to hug you when reading what you wrote. You have already recognized what you did wrong and OWNED it, which is admirable. That is major! You asked for forgiveness and that is commendable. You have made peace by doing that, even if it doesn't feel like it. Now you have to forgive yourself and try to move past it.
Originally Posted By: smartcookie
Hitting doesn't always hurt worse than words. Neglect can be the most extreme form of abuse. Being ignored or treated like a piece of furniture is not better than being punched.
Hitting doesn't always hurt worse than words. Neglect can be the most extreme form of abuse. Being ignored or treated like a piece of furniture is not better than being punched.
story of my life right now - and yes...couldn't agree more!
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
This entire thread was powerful. Very powerful. Reading the words and responses was so very helpful for myself as well. I too can relate to many of the feelings, worries, concerns, etc. It's scary, the uncertainty is hard, the pain you feel is awful, wondering if you'll ever truly be happy, wondering where things went wrong, there are so many things that go through my mind. In my head I know what I need to do, but my heart pulls me in a different direction. Just wanted to say that I'm appreciative of this board.
It's done. We had our final decree today at court. The judge gave me a few gifts. I believe it was his way of making things right.
We were married 19 years. The standard for spousal support in our state, based on need, is 1/2 the term of the marriage.
After hearing all testimony and having 10 days to review the exhibits, the judge gave me 12 years of spousal support.
My attorney said this was unheard of, especially since I have a job and the ex doesn't. In negotiations, the ex had offered me 5 years spousal support, I asked for 8. The judge gave me 12.
I also got the house and hopefully can modify the loan so we can keep it. I figure I stand a good chance with the mortgage company since I have a job.
The ex was also strongly urged to find some sort of employment (with pay equallying at least what I'm making) or the judge advised me to bring him back to court and he would find for willful underemployment and significantly boost the child and spousal support amounts.
If I stay here and continue to post on my own thread, I will be moving over into the Divorced forum. It's been a long 18 month journey since I joined here. There were days/nights when I didn't think I'd make it through the next 24 hours. I did. There were days when I barely managed to keep breathing. I wouldn't wish this divorce journey on my worst enemy.
However, since I joined here my advice has been standard.
Put on your own mask first. Save yourself first.
I asked my therapist on Saturday to give me one piece of wisdom to hold onto while I was waiting for the final court date. He reminded me that being in an abusive relationship with my ex was making me emotionally very sick.
I saved myself. No regrets.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
