Travels and adventures

[Virtually_Handsome]

Charlotte didn't like the place rides that got her from Germany to Tucson (or the car/ferry ride that got her from England to Germany, for that matter), but she forgave pretty quickly. Quarantine, on the other hand, I just couldn't do that.

[mishka422]

OW shoveling sh!t....now there is a pretty picture. LOL!

Trust me, it's no better when it's ow interacting with your child. Animals are so extra sensitive though and maybe Maple will try to scratch her eyes out knowing that she's one of the reasons her home was changed. Just a thought.......

I just had this funny vision in my head of Maple hanging from all four paws from ow's face in the classic scaredy cat pose....LOL!

[JCJ]

Lol Mishka, that's so funny!

I was thinking about the children thing, that if I felt this strongly about a cat how would I feel about children?!

I reckon I could get Maple a pet passport but I think she'd be pretty miserable all the same. It wouldn't be a kind thing to take her over there.

Keep your fingers crossed for me for Friday lunchtime.

[MichelleLT]

Fingers will be crossed!

[JCJ]

Deep breaths!! For some reason I am incredibly nervous. Just getting that out here instead of stewing on it internally. My stomach is doing flips.

However it seems I look good as I have got a few comments this morning. Black/ grey patterned capri pants/ trousers, black top with subtle lace vest and red bra strap that you can see at certain angles and some cute heels. Not that it really makes a difference as he never seems to notice sigh... Oh well, it shouldn't really be an issue for much longer.


45 mins to go. I am armed with all the solicitor information.

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Julia.. GOOD LUCK! Why are you nervous?? I totally agree that it is morally the right thing for him to do, to pay all the costs. I guess legally, perhaps he isnt obliged to, because of the technicallity that he didnt leave the M for her.. but thats not the point right? So look him in the eye and appeal to his better nature and you know what.. screw dbing mentality (I know you said you were too practised already).. but all you can do is BE HONEST. Heck, tell him you cant wait to get on that plane and put all this hurt and shame behind you that you were a bad wife. Say the things you never did before.. that you never wanted this and it was HIS choice to leave and then start an R within weeks of leaving WHILST still being M.. and that therefore, could he just not be an *rsehole one last time and pay for this D !!??? Ha.

But yes, pay half if necessary, if he refuses. Its only money right and you know you wouldnt have treated him the way he is treating you.

As for Thailand.. WOW !!!! THat is so amazing, I am so happy for you!

Al xxx

[JCJ]

Well, that's over. I feel wrecked; I was so nervous and pent up. I just find it so incredibly difficult to talk about this divorce.

We met up and had a nice lunch. I told him about Thailand and he was very pleased and excited for me. He is happy to have the cat and said yes straight away (ow has no input then?! If I got lumbered with a cat for a year, I'd want to know about it first...). We had a general chit chat; he said how tired he was. He talked about his *rsehole friends and how they were all getting engaged now. One of them he talked about I said 'oh yeah, wasn't that the guy that used to cough blood?' and he laughed and said yes. Nice! So I may have the bombshell that he's engaged to look forward to but hopefully I will be too wrapped up in my new life by then.

When we left the restaurant I asked if we could go for a quick walk to talk about the divorce. He looked shocked and said yes. I ended up tearful as I knew I would be because I always am when I talk about it - hence never talking about it. And he suggested we go to his car.

I explained the situation. He looked shocked and said that wasn't what he intended at all. That he had been to a solicitor with help on the form and she had filled it in without him being there. She had told him my solicitors would be charging thousands. Anyway, I explained that the reason that I had asked him to pay the costs was that I had never initiated or wanted any of this and still didn't. He reached for my hand and looked a bit upset and crushed. We ended up hugging which I broke out of. Of course he didn't change his mind about it or vocalise that he didn't want this, so I guess that was his chance if he was ever going to. He said he would pay the rest of the fees (about £700) as I had already paid the £300.00 court fee. So that is settled. He drove me back to my office and looked his lovely, kind, old self as I got out of the car.

I've come back to my work and am just sitting in my little office crying now. I know I have so much to look forward to with Thailand etc, but this it is just so horrible and I never wanted to be divorced. I have to accept the fact that he is clearly happy in his new life so I have to make myself a happy new life, which I am doing.

At least the cat is going to a good home. Oh and he had bought me a funny book about cats as a Christmas present, I gave him a boomerang.

This is all so deeply painful for me.

Al – thank you reading your words helped me so much before I went!

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Julia)))))
I'm glad Maple will be well taken care of! It will be nice to not have to be worried about her.

I know you don't want to be divorced, but look at it from the other angle.... do you want to be married to him? As he is now, and has been for years? I think your year abroad will give you a good chance to start fresh when you get back home. Back at the top of your game, confident, and ready to take on the world!

HUGS!

[JCJ]

Thanks Jeff, I know he'll take very good care of her.

I know you are right. Already being away those 5 weeks did me so much good. I am in such a better place and I don't have to face any of this again. I will even not receive the divorce papers as they are going to my sisters address, so I won't have to see any of it. I don't need to, I know it is all over. He seems happy in his new life and I have to accept that.

And you are right, he is what he has been for years. Even when we were together. I remembered the other day that he acted like that at university, annoyed his tutors so much that they found a loophole to give his 3rd degree honours even though he actually achieved a 1st. I guess it is all his choices and my rose-coloured glasses are off!

[MsMelancoly]

Hey ((Julia)), I'm sorry that you are still struggling with the emotions of getting D. The guilt to overcome that is very difficult (for both sides I imagine). I struggle w/that myself at times. It does not mean YOU are a failure (or myself for that matter). Through all of this I've come to realize, that 2 people, 2 minds, with emotions, thoughts & desires - well it takes A LOT of work, on both sides for them to stay together. I don't know, it's difficult for me to put into words - what I want to say. M is just not as easy & harmonious as we think or are led to believe. Now, if we M robots - maybe!

AS for myself, I am well. In Dec I lost my baby kitty of 17yrs. We fought her kidney disease for 11yrs. I do miss her, yet I am thankful for the time we spent together & in knowing she had a good life. Strange how I cried for her, but not for my xh or the loss of my M. No contact from my xh since Oct - but that's ok. (Shrug) - not much I can do about that. I'm focusing on what I need to change in myself & move forward. I am writing some poetry again & an old friend of mine has written me. We will see if he / we continue to write.

Good to hear you have found a possible home for Maple. And Congrats on your new job in Thailand!!!

Remember the happiness we will find is always hidden inside.