imLIN, ty for your post...it helps!

[lost1234]

thank you for an insiteful post...so many are discouraging!

i am have learned am am still learning alot...


mlc is NO FUN...especially if you are LBS...

[imLIN]

Your welcome, not sure what post your referencing but I will assume it is a recent one as I have not been active here for a quite a while...

There is a lot of good information here...I always came, read, thought and used what seemed to working for others...some worked for me, some didn't but I at least had a focus with direction...

Thank you

[lost1234]

your post of making it through after 2 years! thaat must have been very difficult!

[mollygirl]

I have been lurking here since Oct 09. Fiance of 2 years; together 8. Supposed to get married New Years Eve.

August 09: Possibly losing engineering job after 23 yrs; son going thru divorce; attempted suicide, mom in/out of hospital with depression, turning 50 in March, buried two close friends, we had a horrible fight. He leaves suddenly, August 31, 09.

Lives in a hotel for 6 weeks then moves into a room of a house of a friend. No OW until Oct 3; lasted 3 weeks. I had been doing DB; he contacted me; first time since end of September.

Saw him Sunday after Thanksgiving, spent night. (After he spent 13 hours on the road coming from his dad's, which I feel was very good for him).

When I send a text "thinking of you, I am here if you need me," etc. I got responses. Have been having GREAT talks about his anger, possible depression, he still loves me, etc. Two nights later he is taking another woman out and wants no contact with me.

I am so confused and do not really know what to do now.

I am leaving Christmas day thru New Years for a trip by myself. No one really knows.

I have made no contact since Wednesday, December 16, and plan to keep this up.

I have tried, unsuccessfully to read "MLC resources: all links in one thread II" and cannot access them; anyone have any ideas?

Would love to read some threads by someone who was in MLC themselves.
Any thoughts greatly appreciated.

[mollygirl]

Also, in some of our conversations, it seems that he knows when he "has opened too much" and shuts down, usually angrily.

I know this man loves me, I know it is not about the woman/women he is dating. Needs to explore, etc. I need to know how to handle the situation with us.

[imLIN]

The most important part of MLC for the LBS is patience...
It takes time
It is not as personal as they make it appear
They are usually very depressed (may need medical evaluation)
Patience needs to be your focus
GAL is your sanity
Maintaining your goals reached is your job
Listen and read between the lines
Usually they say a little of what they mean
Self examine...make changes that make you happy
Patience, patience, patience...with everyone in everything

[Cadet]

I have tried, unsuccessfully to read "MLC resources: all links in one thread II" and cannot access them; anyone have any ideas?

Go to the resource thread second from the top of page. Select page 6 scroll about 3/4 of the way down and click on the link "smurfs mlc resources all in one thread". All other links do not work.

Hope that helps

[Virtually_Handsome]

Here are the links:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1539436

[mollygirl]

Imlin: well, back from my little trip. (Was supposed to have been married on New Years) wow! What a blow. One of our friends talked to him on New Years Eve and he said, I heard she went on a trip, I hope she didn't go bvy herself, blah.. Also, the friend said, I sure wish my friends would find their way back to each other and he said, well, never say never...

Now, I have made no effort to contact him since December 16, and have not heard from him. This is the longest I have gone with some contact. So now what? I am continuing the DBing as well as I can since I have no contact with him.

I have had several friends in this situation in the last 3 years (is it an epidemic???) and they all say, "he is crazy" he will "wake up" and realize what he has done.

My question is what do I do now? Nothing...??

[job]

Molly,
You do not contact him. Continue living your life as if he's never going to return. You are now flying solo. If he decides he wants to come back to you, then so be it, but for now, you need to continue moving forward. Nothing says you have to shut the door...leave it ajar, but do not wait on him. Life is far too short to be sitting around waiting to see if he'll wake up.

Start making plans for the new year and make a list of those things that you would like to do but never had the time to do them.