Well everyone!! Haven't spoken to my husband since over 2 months. Of course he hasn't bothered to contact me either.
Went to the mailbox today and received a trial date of 6/25/10 to move forward with our divorce!!! Day after my birthday. Really hurts.
I feel so numb right now and a little down!!! In fact a lot of down. No matter how much you think you're moving on and getting over things it still hurts to no that there's NOTHING that can be done to save a broken marriage.
There are things that can be done... But he has to be willing to meet you part way... He's not managing his hurt with a lot of maturity sasha and I am very sorry... He may change his mind yet... You never know...
Yeah I've accepted that he has to meet me part way and the reality is he has NOT and apparently doesn't care to. I'm starting to think maybe I was a little dilusional to ever think otherwise.
I'm sure if I were to reach out to him today, I wouldn't receive a return phone call and I'm certain he would refuse to answer my phone calls if he knew it was me. Consistent with our marriage there was always little or no time to address important issues relating to the marriage and our feelings. His family and his job always took priority so nothing is new in that regard.
I believe it would take a miracle at this point but as you stated Allen A you never know. However, at this last hour I'm only kidding myself to believe anything less than this marriage is over and has been over for quite some time now.
O well we live and we learn the harsh realities of life are NEVER easy to deal with but that everything happens for a reason!
If you do everything you can to grow sasha and your H still turns you down then its HIS LOSS... You do what you can and give 100%.. if that's not enough, then you are better off with someone who will appreciate you FULLY...
And NO, NOT The OM... If he's willing to rape a marriage he is NOT ready for a long term commitment to anyone and will dissappoint you in that regard eventually...
As long as there is OM you cannot see or even think correctly. You will never be able to commit or be trusted until OM is gone. It will not make you feel comfortable either, you will be vulnerable, like you should be.
Well Allen A....Not sure if your on to something but it sure sounds like it. Today my husband and I appeared in court for what we "thought" was going to be a "mediation" conference. Turns out it was actually a "trial setting" conference to proceed with our D!
Prior to entering the courtroom we sat with each other, talked, and laughed for about 20 min's or so. Things seemed to go fairly well considering we were minutes away from entering a courtroom regarding our divorce...??? Quite interesting to say the least.
Anyhow, upon entering the courtroom and realizing that we were not going to see a mediator I think we were both slightly panicked...When asked to approach the bench, the judge determined our trial date and THEN...my husband proceeded to tell the judge that he/we were confused. My husband went on to explain to the judge that he was under the impression that today's meeting would be with a mediator in hopes of settling outside of court. The judge proceeded to tell him that we would not be meeting with a mediator today and that a trial date is now set for August 12th. The judge also asked my husband why is he now wavering in his decision to move forward as this case has cost the courts time and money?? My responded simply responded and said that he was just confused and obviously misinformed and had no choice to accept our trial date.
Long story short....After my husband and I walked outside the courthouse we were both confused and disappointed that we did not get to see a mediator and I think nervous about our upcoming trial date. To be honest, I was hoping to see a mediator to see if it would be possible to work on our marriage through couples counseling before D proceedings but I now realized that was NOT going to happen here.
Since he'd mentioned that he hadn't eaten breakfast I asked if he'd like to grab a bite to eat and said yes right away and suggested a local restaraunt. During our lunch we talked more and did a lot of catching up with each other's families, our lives, etc...After lunch he took me for a ride in his new truck that he is very proud of I might add
I think we "ended" today on a good note and am optimistic at this point but scared to get hurt because I've tried so many times to get our marriage back on track during our separation only for him to take me on a painful roller coaster ride. Which given our history I can't say I blame him.
Anyhow, when we returned from taking a spin in his new truck he walked me to my car and held out his arms to welcome a hug from me. As I went to hug him I asked, "So you are still going to divorce me, huhh ??" He didn't respond he just laughed a little. So after we hugged I asked him again (while smiling) if he was still going to divorce me.
He then responded and said, "WE'LL TALK." At that time I didn't ask again. I got in my car and said thanks again for the lunch.
To say the least this was not a typical behavior for a soon to be "D" couple. Driving home I couldn't help but scratch my head while trying to make something of it. I'm still not quite sure of what to think of it.
Any thoughts or suggestions out there from my fellow DB family? What can I do to further impact him questioning if the D is really what he wants? Also, is it possible he was just being nice and caring and that's why we went to lunch? BTW we haven't spoken much in the past 2 months. Only one time so I'm curious to see if other folks out there have experienced this type of behaviour during the D proceedings and how they handled it?
Just keep doing what you're doing.. it sounds like he's giving his decision some serious thought at least... Courts and Judges can be quite intimidating... That' prompts a person to make sure he knows what he's doing when he does it...
The only thing I would add is try not to ask him again if he is still going to divorce you. You put it out there, now you have to walk away from it like you can take it or leave it.
Always remember than even a divorce doesn't necessarily mean the end. After my D from my first husband, he wanted to reconcile. I couldn't do it. By that time, I was done with him and the rollercoaster he'd put me through with his affair. I did go out on a couple of dates with him after our D but ultimately, I was the one the walk away. (And it felt GOOD I might add!)
The other thing sasha is that you can protest the divorce
I don't want a divorce. I can't stop you from pursuing this, but I am not supporting it
That way its his decision, not a mutual one. The risk of your current route is that when you appear to be going along with it, that makes him more convinced to head that direction.
