I had the same exact feelings/thoughts as I was reading SC's post yesterday. It really struck a nerve with me. It is really hard to imagine that my STBXW was feeling that way, but it is reality.
I think one of the most confusing/depressing aspects of all of this for most LBS, is that the WAS is willing to be alone and deal with any hardships that come along with that, then to remain married to us and trying to make it work.
When the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving, they will only see one option.
While certainly true, I CAN assuage my feelings a bit when I realize all the changes I made in myself - and these were no doubt for ME. But if my changes didn't have an impact on my W's decision, then maybe I have less to do with her unhappiness than she believes.
I don't want my W to have a terrible life, nor do I wish any ill will upon her. But, it would be nice to hear one day that she made a mistake. But by then, it won't matter. Maybe I am still struggling with the "WHY" and hearing her say she made a mistake would somehow justify my thoughts/beliefs. Would be a hollow "victory," if a victory at all. A bit of a ramble now.
Get out of my head my friend.
I had that going through my head all Monday. And yea smartcookie's post the day later... Yea... I read that like a trainwreck.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
And yea smartcookie's post the day later...Yea... I read that like a trainwreck.
I think that is the 3rd time she has posted that post. I read it myself when she reposted it about 8 months ago, and - and the same train hit me.
It is still a good reminder that that this ISN'T all about us and what we are feeling. Every time I read it I get a bit more patience and compassion for my w.
I appreciate that the WAS's who are here on the boards keep us honest.
Last edited by Thinker; 12/23/0909:11 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
The thing is I do not see my WAS.... I see me. And I struggle with that. Would I have walked ?
are you saying you see yourself in the role which smartcookie described for herself in her post?
When I read it I don't see that I acted like smartcookie described her H acting, but I do see that my W could well have felt, in our M, just like smartcookie did in hers.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
GIMA, I wrote this long post to you.....and then deleted it (lol) b/c I was saying things that I've already said to you before. Just telling you how much I appreciate your kindness and how big I think your heart is.
In spite of all that you are going through, I pray that you will still have a peaceful Christmas, and will enjoy your friends and loved ones. I am so glad you said you'd stick around here.....b/c you have a way of making people feel special.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
