I have posted in the Newcomers area, but would like to solicit more advice. My wife is in a MLC. Over the past year and a half it has been a rollercoaster: staying, separating, divorce. She changed her mind every two months. She finally moved out a month ago. She does seem much happier.
I had limited contact with her over the month. Nothing about R or wanting her back. I did enough of that while we were still together.
She started calling me. The last couple conversations, I kept trying to get off the phone or leave her place, but she kept pulling me back in. So, I thought maybe the neg. perceptions/walls she was holding so close are starting to fade. I asked her on a date. She said yes.
Have any of you experienced this? What are good moves/mistakes you made? Or, should I cancel?
I have gotten great advice. But, the more I get the better I feel. Thanks
I have no experience here dont let the looking like shes happy fool you they are not they just cycle
but I would guess treat it like new be upbeat and fun not too avaialable even a totally new person can be a turn off if they are calling too much or to into you be myseterious after all you are not in a real M now you are just dating try to figure out what her love language is read the book the five love languages NO expectatrions she may be playing you along she may be coming up for air they do seem to go back into the hole after a peek so be careful and go very slow
maybe get advice from a db coach and if she seems like she wants back for real maybe some counseling would help after all its been 1.5 years
peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
When your W was in full blown MLC, how often did you notice her swings/changes cycle? Was it actually 2 mos?
Then I would waint four sessons of cycles (making sure she stays consistant) before putting up hope for real change.
Do not allow this woman to use you. She knows you are an easy mark for her attentions, she may "get you back" only to lose intrest after she "has" you.
Good luck- you are a more forgiving person than I could ever be.
When your W was in full blown MLC, how often did you notice her swings/changes cycle? Was it actually 2 mos?
Then I would wait four sessons of cycles (making sure she stays consistant)
You can't "pattern" her cycles, mlc is far too complex. She may have a thought or memory that may trigger them. Someone could say "hello" the wrong way. Hell....the Lions may actually win a football game. The wind could start blowing out of the east instead of the west. Catch my drift??
Who knows?? You start trying to do this and you will set yourself up for failure.
Expect nothing at this point, good or bad.....nothing. Try your best to keep your emotions in check and treat her like an acquaintance.
Most importantly, watch her actions. What she does will be the most telling.
There is no pattern to the cycles EXCEPT that they happen. They can be fairly equal in duration and intensity, get shorter and shorter, and then something will happen that will make it seem like you are at square one again.
Recognizing them is helpful but only for you. To maintain your own balance so that you do not cycle with her.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
