How long were you separated?

[Loyalist]

Just looking for a little hope I guess. My husband and I have been separated for a bit over 2 years, and I am wondering how long some of you who are putting things back together were apart.

[Dr LOve]

Mb,

My wife and I have not been technically separated (she sleeps if another room in our house) for a little over 2 years now. Things are getting better but we are not there yet. I have to admit that if it were not for our 12yo son we may have gotten legally separated.
I have read here that people separated way longer 2-5 maybe even 10 years have gotten back together. Others have never gotten back together so there is no real time line...

Doc

[Freckle6]

4 years, 7 months and counting. While I wouldn't exactly say we're "piecing" quite yet, things are more positive now than they've been in that entire time.

We went for almost 2+ years of that with minimal contact only regarding our now 5 1/2 year old and plodded along with filing for divorce. Over the summer he began reaching out, but ran back into the tunnel pretty quickly. About 8 weeks ago he began reaching out again and 5 weeks ago he said he'd like it if we worked things out and wanted to know if that was an option. We're taking things very slowly.

I had given up hope years ago but hadn't gotten over him yet. "Giving up hope" isn't really even the right phrase. It was more like it faded slowly over time into acceptance of the current situation. Don't let having hope or not keep you from living your life right now though. You don't ever have to shut the door totally until *you* want to and are ready to.

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Mbp,

We were apart for 18 months, during which time he never even held my hand, kissed my cheek, mentioned reconciling or invited me to where he lived. After 12 years - best friends for 3 then bf/gf living together for 9.. he walked out and wouldnt even let me know where he lived for the first 5 months!! He did contact me regularly though, a one line text, then one line emails, then 2, 3 and then longer, visits on his terms to MY house, bike rides, cinema occassionally, then 5 months after he left he gave me the address and his phone number...

He still didnt invite me to his place or allow me to go there, but we got closer until we were seeing each other 2/3 times a week by nearly a year after the bomb and then BAM...he went NC again because he started dating a woman at work (who he had been friends with pre-bomb). He dated her for 8 months but during that time the short emails started again, the odd phonecall, but then he moved house and again didnt tell me where he was living (despite buying me a Christmas present, increasing contact by email and insisting he didnt want to sell any of our properties including our 'marital' home!)

I never gave up hope, because my intuition knew his behaviour was due to his depression and that he had had a breakdown and he was NOT himself. As soon as he emerged from the worst of that (he is still not fully recovered and may never be).. he started to return to his old self and realise what he had done/lost and make decisions for himself.

We are now back together and I can honestly say, happier than ever.

He has answered many of my questions about his thinking during the separation and why he behaved the way he did (not letting me go to his flat, phoning alot then going NC, deciding to date an unsuitable ow etc etc).. all on my current piecing thread if you are curious into the mind of a MLC/WAS !

Good luck,
Al x

[dday101798]

hmmm that's a tuffy to answer given the nature of the question.

Physically, we were apart for about 18 months, the past 6 of which, divorced.

Emotionally, barring a last ditch effort for the best month of our M, I'd say almost the better of 4 years all together.

We're just getting started on this piecing biz, but are looking forward to the challenges that lay ahead, yes, we both know it's not going to be a bed of roses all the time, but are confident that we are embarking on a R that will far surpass our previous.

[Lost Rabbit]

We were apart for five months, currently H is with me for two thirds of the week and back at his place doing his courses he is finishing off for the rest of the week. We wont be fully back together till end of Jan I suspect when his courses finish! But we are planning what we are going to do when we are together and next year and just enjoying the time we are together.