I went through a period of limited contact with my wife, we are separated. In our last couple of conversations, she kept trying to draw me in to talking more, but I didn't. I think some of her negative views of me have slipped away. So, I asked her on a date. I made it clear that it is a date, not just to be friends/catch up. She said yes. I assume I just date her now like I would a woman I just met. No excessive calling, light conversation, no relationship talk etc. Any other advice?
I went through a period of limited contact with my wife, we are separated. In our last couple of conversations, she kept trying to draw me in to talking more, but I didn't. I think some of her negative views of me have slipped away. So, I asked her on a date. I made it clear that it is a date, not just to be friends/catch up. She said yes. I assume I just date her now like I would a woman I just met. No excessive calling, light conversation, no relationship talk etc. Any other advice?
Nope, sounds good. Work on reconnecting with her; have fun.
NO R TALK! You didn't discuss the future of your relationship with her on your first date, right? Same rules apply now.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
1. dinner. wait 2 days. call for second date 2. dinner/activity 3. whatever 4. dinner at my place
Assuming we get that far. I know I can't just start calling and insert myself into her life again. I think limited contact to not appear needy and overeager is still in order.
Also, I don't want to appear too timid. I want to be a man, but I don't want to seem like I'm rushing/expecting. Go for the kiss on the first date? Cheek maybe? What are your thoughts on intimacy.
Jumping the gun, but don't want to play everything by ear.
Ok, when you asked her on this date, how did she respond? I mean like a "sure, I've got nothing better going on", or eye's gleaming "hell ya I will go on a date with you!"
Secondly, I'm going to assume, she is the WAS in this situation?
Let her drive for the next one. If you don't hear it from her FIRST, you can hint, 'hey, I had a great time could we do it again sometime' and see if she'll offer up a second.
The kiss, well, again, you have to read her out, use your feelings. On my first date with my XW, there was no question, we were talking, we paused, despite a band playing a mere 50 feet or so away, it was dead quiet, and I looked her in the eye, she looked me back, and I felt it, gently put my finger under her chin and guided her toward me and there was zero complaint when it was all said and done and she came back for a second one.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Kind of the direction I was leaning. I thought if it went well, I'd call her after 2 days and ask for another. I think women need momentum. But no interim calling. Unless initiated by her. I have started to let her talk more without cutting her off. Trying to start forming a new bond. I keep it light, don't want misperceptions creeping their way back in.
I understand having her set it up, but I know her personality.
It is weird dating my wife. That was a tough call, like I was 16. I suppose if it doesn't work, all other calls will be much easier. This is what I wanted when we were "working on it" for a year (only me). Dating to get to know her again. Fun. Too bad the love stuff isn't there. If it was once, it can be again. I just need to show her that I got a life and it doesn't revolve around her. Right?
She is the WAW. She wasn't exstatic when I asked, but she sounded like she liked the idea. As I said, she has a more positve tone.
I told her that the conversations seemed to be going well. I wasn't calling to give her space and to decide what I wanted. She sounds happy and that is the type of person I'd like to get to know. No preconceived ideas about our future. I am not interested in changing her life. I just want to spend time with a beautiful woman and get to know her.
Yes, I dated my wife while seperated. No expectations, address her LLs directly, look great, smell great, be a great listener, make eye contact and hold it, be interesting, buy some new clothes, let her arrive first, you leave first, make her feel like the only person in the room, make her laugh, and be a gentleman. Have conversations ready, be ready to tell stories about your life - work, kids, hobbies, etc.
You have a great opportunity. Most guys here would give up their left ____ to be in your shoes. Be wise, grateful and deserving.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
