Haven't checked in since Christmas Eve.....Been pretty busy with the boys.....The night went rather well....She was not feeling well, but we did get along fairly well....It was just nice for all of us to be there together......
After the boys went to bed, we got all there presents out and did Santa.....We talked some about years past and actually had a nice time.
Afterwards, we had a couple of drinks and sat on the couch and watched tv......She asked me was I still talking to the lady I had been seeing.....I told her we still talked some, but right now that was it.....She stated she still talked to her OM and didn't understand why I was not talking to my friend some....I told her that it hurt my friend to talk alot and that I didn't want to make her think anything had changed between us....I really don't want to hurt this woman anymore.....
At one point, I came back in the room and sat beside her on the couch.....She leaned in and then pulled back and said don't get too close.....I asked what she meant by that....She said we need to learn how to talk to each other without any physical stuff...I think I understand where she is coming from....We talked for another hour or so and then I went home......She did bring up a couple of R things and we talked about it....She seems to be coming around some, but I know not to really pressure her....
Went back over Christmas morning and stayed for awhile.....Helped boys with some of the things they got and then left.....We got along well....
Talked to her yesterday......She called about her sister's ex-husband's father dying....We were dicussing arrangemnts and she said she did not think anything was happening today....She then said OM was coming over and they were going to eat and then to a movie....Kinda hit me hard, but I did not re-act to it.....Just kept up conversation and she wanted to stay on phone.....She is noticing some changes I have made and commented on them.....The main one was that I seem calmer now and don't let things bother me....I have changed alot and would like for this to work, but OM has got to be out of the picture.....
I guess I am just looking for a little encouragement.....She has made such a big deal to people that she is getting out of that relationship.....She just can't seem to cut all ties......I know I just need to keep working on me and I can't control what she does......All I can do is be the man she loved and wanted at one time.....Maybe she will see that and want to come back....Maybe she won't......Just kinda down today and wanted some advice...
Not much has changed.....The boys went back last night, so I was a little depressed......Made it through though...Ex has been sick the last few days and i have checked on her and offered to do whatever she needs.....She was appreciative, but said she did not want to impose....
She did ask if she got to feeling better by the weekend and i was planning to take the boys hunting, could she have some time to do something since she has been sick most of the holidays...I told her that would be fine.....I am having a hard time thinking that if I have the boys, she is going to do something with OM....That does not seem fair.....I know....I have no control and whatever she does is her business....I will keep my mouth shut....
Thanks Sandi, Happy New Year to you......I am going to make this a good one regardless.....I feel in the last few days she has really been trying to pull away.....Not just with me, but I think she is doing the same to OM.....Not sure what to make of this, but she is very withdrawn right now.....For some reason, I am thinking she is getting ready to really sew some wild oates....
She keeps making reference to her age and is hanging around younger people, so I really get the feeling things are going to get pretty tough....May just be my imagination...As she has made clear though, it is none of my business....So be it....She is going to get just what she has asked for.....I will leave her alone and let her deal with the decisions she is making....
Sandi, thanks for the reply.....I do need a little advice....We are supposed to get together tomorrow night to talk about things...My thinking is to just lay everything out and let her know she is free to do whatever she feels she needs to do....I guess she will do that regardless....I feel I need to tell her I am still open to trying to make this work, but she is free to live her life however she sees fit.....I am tired of the limbo and want to move on.....I know if she would look at the big picture, she might feel that way too, but right now, she can only see what is making her feel good....
The thing is, she is not feeling good, but she is constantly searching for what will make her feel good...I guess that is not me, but I honestly don't know what it is.....I guess the time has come to really let her go and let her deal with all this herself......This is hard for me, but I know it must be done.......We could have a good thing, but she won't let that happen.....A guy can only take so much rejection and I think I have had my fill.....I only hope she will find the happiness she has searched for all her life......Nothing I have done has accomplished that and sadly, I don't think there is a man on earth that can do it either.....It's out of my hands.....She is on her own...
It is important to find happiness alone. The only person that can make me happy is me.
I don't know if I'd put it quite that way; more like "It is important to be responsible for your own happiness."
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
We are supposed to get together tomorrow night to talk about things
Who proposed this talk? What could be talked about that hasn't been covered in past talks?
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My thinking is to just lay everything out and let her know she is free to do whatever she feels she needs to do.
She is D from you, so she's going to do whatever she wants.
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.....I am tired of the limbo and want to move on.....
In order to do that, you'll have to drop that rope you have tied around her. When you talk about it before, you talked as if you couldn't do that. So, have you reached a place emotionally that you can?
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.....I guess the time has come to really let her go and let her deal with all this herself......This is hard for me, but I know it must be done.....
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We could have a good thing, but she won't let that happen
This right here is where you have a problem letting go. You keep seeing what you could have--if only she would cooperate.
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A guy can only take so much rejection and I think I have had my fill..
Yes, and it is not healty for you to keep going back for more.
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Nothing I have done has accomplished that and sadly, I don't think there is a man on earth that can do it either.....It's out of my hands.....She is on her own...
That's right. You cannot fix her.....you can't even help her b/c this is something that is "her" problem. That is why I suggest that you do not rehash old R talks with her. If you tell her anything, tell her that since she refuses to give up the OM--that you see no future in being "friends" with her and you are going to live your own life S from her.
I don't think you've ever told her that you wouldn't be friends with her, have you? That's b/c you've allowed her to cake eat throughout this whole ordeal and you could not let go of her. Can you let go of the friendship? B/c that is just another word that a lot of people use to keep them tied to their WAS.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey Sandi.....Well we had the talk.....She told me as of new year's eve, it was over with OM.....Did not rule out dating him in the future.....Said she felt smothered and just wanted time to herself.....
She said she also felt pressured by me.....She said I was still trying to make this about me and what I want.....All I could do was sit there and agree.....I know i have been told all this here, but hearing her say it blew me away.....Things went well though and I did not stay long....Really didn't say much, she did most of the talking......
Although, I feel I am not quite ready to drop the rope, I do know what I have to do.....There is no doubt I have been too available and got my hopes up and started putting pressure on her.....
This is a new year and this has been going on for too long....I will be working on me and keeping contact to a minimum....
You are right Sandi, this is not healthy.....I can feel how tired I am.....It's time to let it go.....Easy said, but we will see how easy it will be....
