What to do about WAW

[TrentC]

OK. Since we've established it's a duck, I'm just wondering if I give up or continue DBing. I have no interest in dating other woman. My interests are fixing my marriage and family.

If you want to try to fix things, continue DB'ing.

You have 10 months of doing the wrong thing, so it'll take more than a month to turn things around.

[Coach]

My interests are fixing my marriage and family.

Study boundaries. Go read NOMADS and Oblivious's thread.

[Rendo]

I am using the last resort technique as described in DB, but this feels like I am setting myself up for more heartbreak. I did go through 10 months of pushing her away and am prepared to stick with this for as long as it takes.

I know she wants to live the family life with an affectionate husband and I believe a can be this husband. I know the "Casanova" she has been seeing is not this type of man, so I'm thinking this is just a temporary ego boost.

I guess my question is how long can I continue this while she is out living the single life?

Anybody in the same sitch?

[TrentC]

I guess my question is how long can I continue this while she is out living the single life?

That's up to you.

As long as she is in the fog of an affair, she may never pull out of it.

[patpat]

Don't give up.... make a choice, whatever it may be and stick too it.

I, myself, choose love. My spouse. God does not believe in D. We are too reconcile. It will take time. Lots of time maybe. You said you want your family back together, do you? Only you can answer that. Should I give up, well, should you? Is the love you have for your W conditional.... I won't give up as long as I know I have a chance of getting what I want OR do I love my W, flawed or not, and want her back however she may come.... no reward, just love and the chance to make things new again.

Remember, you are not together because of the things both of you let get away from the marriage (laughter, affection, itimacy, communication etc...) both are at fault.

FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS on yourself.... keep your goal in sight. DB the best you can, and study others thread.

I need to do this very same thing. But this is as much as I have gathered from ready other threads.

Good Luck.... I am lost tooo.

[Rendo]

Thanks Patpat,

You're right. I need to stay focused. I do love my wife unconditionally and that needs to always be in the back of my mind.

I have good days and bad ones. Yesterday my W and I exchanged our daughter and we were laughing and smiling. Looking into her eyes, I could see that sparkle again. It was amazing. Then today, not much sparkle. I think I'm expecting way too much too soon.

Baby steps!!

[Jstar]

I am in the same exact boat as you. my h walked out 2nov 09 and we are not doing anything. i did all things chasing until day before thanksgiving and been dark since in lrt. he does not even see his d2 and it's been what almost 3 weeks.

he's called and texted a few times but i have not responded, i have no clue what to say to him.

[KLC]

I have a similar position Jstar. My H is emailing me about selling the house, filing the paperwork, etc. I have avoided email, talking or texting him. I have nothing to say right now. I meet with a lawyer today to find out what exactly "separated' means. Not sure if I can change the locks on the house so he can't just come in and take stuff as he pleases.

The only thing I am sure of is the GAL piece. I have been having dinner with friends, shopping for Christmas, talking on the phone and enjoying some quiet "Me" time. I am also becoming a different person because of the situation he chose. I am starting to realize that this is his issue and not mine and I will not run on his time. I have all the time in the world . . . .

[patpat]

Rendo... you are.

I am probably that last person to give any advice... but you can not expect it to just flip in your favor overnight. It is going to take time.

What I have learned from others here is that you must take care of yourself first, then set boundaries and detach. Detaching reserves the last bits of love you have for your spouse while she is driving u carzy.

DB until your nose bleeds.... and stick to it.

Post comments and ask for advice. You'll get some good stuff.

Never change what is working and look for other ways to accomplish your goal. But do not be fake. Be real and be orepared for whatever outcome is waiting for you.

Glad to hear you 2 still can laugh. My W and I can too. Last we spoke we had a great time. That when I desided to go dark. I am having my ups and downs too. But sticking to it.

Yes, Baby steps!