Re: how to 180 when you've been too independent?

[avermont]

To add to last night's panic about seeing X with OW at community event, I then got an email invite from the couple who enabled the affair to their annual Solstice party.

This couple is friends with OW. She met my X through them. They SUPPORTED, ENCOURAGED, ALLOWED them to sleep together at their house during the affair this summer. They have a 10 year old kid. She's a THERAPIST.

And now they have the gall to invite me to the party?

Is the correct response: "you've got to be f**ing kidding me?"

or: "J. and D.: you allowed my life partner to engage in and grow an affair under your roof. I would have expected my friends to have higher moral values than that. I do not expect to engage with you as friends again."

No response at all would not be at all satisfying. Don't they sometime have to hear a rebuke for their actions, especially if I can frame it in a well-controlled manner?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I would say something like "Obviously, I will not be attending this event at your home. -- (Your First and Last Name)"

[nutfarmer]

Hey Puppy,

Could you look at Norseman05's thread. He needs some clarity.

Thanks

[avermont]

Don't I get to add in anything more...grrrr... Like "please don't extend an invitation to me again."

Or how about " for obvious reasons, I will not be attending this or any other event at your home. Please do not contact me again."

Is this ballsy on their part, just completely oblivious, or did X spin some tale about how our R was completely rotten for years, and we are both happy to have it be over? guess I'll never know.

And Puppy, please--reassure me somehow that seeing me GAL, together, getting along will SCARE a man who was always asking for more committment, and was always afraid that I might walk someday? I truly believe it just helps relieve his guilt.

But of course I can't go into this or any other encounter weeping and fainting.

Where's the middle ground? where's the balance???

[Gnosis]

Avermont, I'd reply with:

"Sorry, I have a previous engagement. I'm not into the lifestyle and hope you have a swinging great time."

And then discreetly spread the word about how its going to be a partner swapping event.

But, hey, that's me...

EDIT: Also, you don't need to tell them you don't want them to contact you again and you no longer see them as friends. Silence speaks louder than words.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Would it be gauche to ask if penicillin will be served?

[avermont]

Glad you guys have a sense of humor about it!

Gave me a chuckle, thanks.

I think "for obvious reasons I will not be attending this event" will work.

You're right that I don't have to ask them to contact me again.

Fortunately I got myself checked for all the STD's OW might have transmitted, and all is good.

So they can have fun with penicillian or whatever they want.

But seriously--WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? oh, not just in this in invite, but making it OK to have an affair conducted under their roof? whatever happened to: get a room!

Sheesh.

[chatterbug]

I would say something like "Obviously, I will not be attending this event at your home. -- (Your First and Last Name)"

agreed.

Short and too the point.

Silence is a very powerful action.

Anyone who enables the affair is no friend of yours ever.