As the title says, I have been seperated from my wife for approximately 6 months, but I would dearly love to reunite my family.
The reason we parted was largely down to my wife contacting he real father who was out of the picture for 25 years or so (since she was 5years old).
Since he has been on the scene her priorities have changed from the kids (we have 3), to her and her father. It seems like she is trying to re-live her childhood and nothing else matters.
I am not saying I am 100% innocent in all of this, but the breakup came as massive shock to myself, close friends and family. She did not confide in anyone as far as I know, and her mind seems to be made up. Over the last 6 months I have seen no signs of her wanting reconcilliation.
I am sure that there is nobody else involved, but it looks like I am loosing the battle to win her back. I have recently started enjoying life again and socialising, but deep down I still yearn for her.
Since splitting I have been diagnosed with severe depression, which I am battling at the moment. It is kind of ironic that since this has been idenified I have had more fun over the last 2 months than I have for many years. I think one one the major splitting points was due to me being boring and miserable (i.e. no socialising etc), but even though I have been doing these things it seems to be falling on deaf ears.
There is little to no contact between us at the moment, not even when the kids are being picked up or dropped off. I cant see any hope of things changing while we dont communicate, but she will resist talking about anything other than the kids.
The other problem is she is living in the marital home and agreed beforehand to pay half the mortgage. This has been honoured up until the past 2 months, last month being �50 short and there is no sign of this months yet (I am from UK by the way). So i dont know how to tackle her about this as I dont want to blow any slim chance I have, yet finanically I cannot afford to pay for 2 houses.
Any advice you could give me would be more than welcome.
Hmmm...sounds like your wife is going through a little bit of a battle with the MLC monster.
But before I offer that up, can you give a little more detail?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I currently rent a nice house which allows me to have my children overnight on a Saturday. This is party for my benefit and also helps my wife as she works weekend nights. One thing I forgot to mention was she took 5 months off work when we broke up.
She has just booked to go on holiday with her friends to magaluf, a known destination for drinking/sexual flings. It is for a hen weekend, but the point is when we were together my wife would never leave the kids behind, but she has done it at least twice that I know of since we split.
I khave no real problems with her going out to enjoy herself (after all one of the reasons we broke up was due to me no socialising), but not at my expense. It seems the deposit for this holiday has been paid over the last few days and yet the half of the morgage money I was expecting is now over a week late. I am clueless in how to approach this as I dont want to destroy any chance of re-uniting, yet I cant let her treat me like a doormat.
I still love her, but I am trying to give the impression to mutual friends that I am happy and ok with everything. My family are not welcome in the marital home, except my father who still remains on good terms (but not in regular contact).
I have let her have the house, car and custody of the kids. I have no idea what to do next.
If you need to know anything else then just let me know :O)
Oh by the way, Divorce wise we are kind of at a standstill. I pressured her in the beginning to having one (when a mutual friend told me she wasn't looking for one), because she was claiming legal aid the made us take mediation. I went for my assessment meeting, and she went to hers, but my wife backed down when it came to the 3rd meeting which requires both parties to be present.
When I asked her about this via text she said 'I dont want to disclose finanical details' and 'would rather go straight for a divorce'. So the mediation has been cancelled and no futher news from her solicitor regarding taking things futher.
Why were you the one to move out if it were she who wanted the split?
She needs to see some consequences as you should not be subsidizing her fun and games. I don't care how "boring" you think you are, she has broken up a perfectly fine family just to indulge a fantasy.
God, I hate these "family-of-origin" issues. We all have them, but most of us grow the f up and get past it.
Anyway, Puppy, Gucci, Coach, and a few others here give excellent "tough love" advice. Try searching them out, and my prayers go out to you and everyone else who wants to preserve their marriages.
Thanks for the tip will see what I can dig up on those names
Oh by the way, She gave me no reason for the breakup except by saying 'I dont want it anymore'.
When a mutual friend asked her what is so good about being single (mutual friend being equally dumbfounded as me over the split) she replied 'I can cook the tea whenever I want'. I must have been a lousy husband if that is the best thing she could come up with.
Are you going to counseling for yourself right now? I would recommend that.
And I agree with the person who said she should have moved, not you. That "I don't want the marriage anymore" is a very poor excuse. What led up toa ll of this? Were you both fighting a lot? Tension? Elaborate.
By the time I moved out I'd been telling my H for months that things were bad and we were at an all-time low in our M/the worst they've ever been.
Well firstly, my wife isn't very forthcomming with her emotions. It seemed to almost happen overnight. We had our ups and downs as most marriages do, but I didn't dream she would just end it.
She kept asking me for space in the begining and me being an idiot couldn't give her the space she needed. We wern't fighting a lot, but there was tension - I could feel that something had changed in her in the weeks leading up to the split.
She never really gave me a chance to rectify anything, but when we first split we got back together after a few days and I was walking on eggshells the whole time because I felt she was a timebomb waiting to go off. We broke up that night after having an argument over nothing. We had a few friends around and she was sat next to me getting more drunk and louder and louder. I said half in jest that she was giving me a headache, then it all went up in the air. Apparantly I embaressed her infront of everyone etc, but nobody else even heared me say it. It was just an excuse I think.
Anyway, I have learned a lot over the past 6 months, but I cannot show her as we are NC at the moment. She would resist anu attempts by me to talk with here over anything other than the kids, and even that would only be via text message.
When a mutual friend asked her what is so good about being single (mutual friend being equally dumbfounded as me over the split) she replied 'I can cook the tea whenever I want'. I must have been a lousy husband if that is the best thing she could come up with.
Actually you could turn that around and say to yourself that if that is all that she could find that was wrong with you and your marriage I wouldn't say you were a lousy husband.
