Came So far than wham

[OnceBurdened]

I had a trist maybe- if you'd call it that- 7 yrs ago. We had no SL at the time W was PG with S and had placenta primera?? This condition could've caused problems with typical intercourse. Anyway alcohol was involved, and a HJ of qwikest duration happened after a party. I felt terrible, threw up (not from alcohol) & blocked it out. But she kept confronting me, and after I recieved an email from the perpitraitor expressing remourse for the death of BIL, she confronted me again & I told her. Know the OW and I did have very infrequent contact. I know she was not proud and niether was I.That didn't matter to W. Well once that was out of me I guess I felt a little better, I thought she did to, we had make up lovin,we talked, and sorry was said, i asked her if she wanted me out- she said "no". Well it all changed the next day. She wanted a seperation, she started railing me about 20+ different women ( even her sister), she checked my e-mails found where OW had sent me maybe 5 e-mails in a year.The stuff you forward on, nothing racey- just crap. Anyway that was enough for W to form the basis of a two or three day tyraid. I addressed every issue, I thought along the way but it wasn't good enough. I returned from my Aunts Funeral, out of state, and W wanted a seperation.

[OnceBurdened]

Sorry- got interrupted, Anyway the seperation really wasn't all that bad after a couple of weeks, we talked quite a bit, i was working on some of the issues she said she had and we saw each other pretty much everyday. After a couple of monthes messenger told me that she had seen my sons baseball coach and W acting alfully friendly. I asked her- she said that they were friends and that was it. I know the OM we coach Football together. Things went along and i moved back in. It was good for sure, for two weeks. I got a call from OM's wife- she said that Om and W were talking a bunch. It was a 134 page cell phone bill! 90% of them W & OM. I confronted her and him, both told me it wasn't what it appeared. I told her it was an EA at least and stop. She said she was going to talk to him. I left. I confronted him he said he wouldn't do that to his buddies and he was actually helping the situation because he was telling her to get back with me and why I should. So after 2 days of listening to her say there was nothing- I came back. Suspicious, but I came back. Well 2 weeks of fighting, no SL, No ILY's returned, she turned her head when I went to kiss her on halloween and i blew up. I left on the Harley for fifteen hours the next morning. She called me said she didn't want to see me she would call me later - go to a hotel.
She dropped the bomb over the phone! She said everything I thought had happened had happened acouple of times. I drove home immediatelly and said I can forgive you and we can get thru this. She said i'm not sure about that. I said is it still going on she said no but i still talk to him. I said that's got to stop, she said she could still be friends. I said no you can't. So what do you want to do? I asked. She said I don't know, I said fine if I can come over here immediatelly and tell you that we can get past this and you still want to think it's up to you after you do this than I'll show you who is in control. I had the house for sale and atty in 3 days before i calmed down.
She leaves alot, 3 time this week, she drops kids off when I am gone, her phone is constantly on her- she sleeps with it in her pants, no SL, No ILY' just alot of I don't knows and - I feel so much pressure- while I cry and don't sleep and don't eat and slowly go into depression. I have cried and begged and pleaded, she has drawn even farther away.Monday I walked in the office and I said i had enuff- I gave her a check to hire atty, the copy of the phone bill, and the contract for the house. I told her that everyone of those phone calls was an "hey I am not happy at home do you wanna F" as far as I was concerned, the check is for the attorney - you started this you can finish it, and sign the listing agreement for the house so it can get sold.
I started looking around the internet and found this website, Wednesday, while looking for a "dealing" with divorce type book. I looked in and saw that I don't really want a divorce, I want my wife back. I've said it in rage, i've said it while crying, and in calm conversation.The problem is she still has this "I don't know" going on.She says she still loves me but she doesn't show it. She has looked at houses mentioned seperation again, and talked to atty. To my knowledge she hasn't taken the next step. I know I've messed up but I knew the nite the bomb dropped that I still could do this, her not "I don't know" seems to be a cop out to me. Any advice out there?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Any advice out there?

Yeah: paragraph breaks. This is unreadable.

Seriously, you'll get a much better response that way.

Puppy

[sandi2]

Why do you want to stay M to her?