H leaves Dec. 9th, how do I say goodbye?

[job]

Allow the man to take himself to the airport. You do not need the emotional turmoil of watching him leave the car and go into the airport. Instead, plan to do something during that time and yes, dinner would be a very nice outing for the evening. He needs to "feel" what he is about to do and he cannot do that w/you offering to take him to the airport or helping him in any way. His journey began a while ago and now the the world is calling him. Let him go....

Someone is always here to listen and offer advice. It's time now to take care of yourself and your kitty. God will watch over your h.

[peacetoday]

I remember after xh moved out I noticed the house had better energy
after all the pain of watching xh stay out till all hours of the night and his total shutdown from me
the silence of him not being here anymore was a blessing
today I enjoy living alone with my kids and no H
peace

[kjensen]

Hi Chel,
We're at similar spots in the journey-I'm just a bit behind. I suspect a D will happen as H is getting the ball rolling quickly. He acts upbeat around me and seems surprised that I'm not all chipper and happy!

The energy is better with H gone, but he's come back almost daily to help shuttle kids or something so its not like out of sight/out of mind. I think I would heal more quickly if it was.

Having gone through tis separation once already this year, I have to say it easier the second time around. I've cried but not as much. I certainly am not obsessively focused on H as much, maybe since there is no OW this time..I'm focusing more on myself and getting me and the girls through this emotionally intact.

And there is the key(at least one). Focusing on being kind to yourself. Focusing on YOUR feelings rather than wondering about how H is, what H is feeling/thinking/doing...that is what wll set you free, so to speak.

Think about what you can learn from this, what worked for you, what didn't...think about things from your perspective..it helps, I think.

[kjensen]

Hey Chel,
Thinking about you..just checking in to see how you are doing.

[job]

Are you okay?

[kjensen]

Thinking of you and hoping things went OK today. Hang in there, sweetie!

[Chel]

Hi K, Snodderly, everyone at this Holiday season,

I know K is going through a lot and I wish her many good, positive thoughts. My H moved to Montreal. Because of blizzard, flight cancellations, etc. I fittingly ended up taking H to the airport. We knew the flight was delayed and thought it would be cancelled but in actuality it left pretty much on time.

Got an e-mail the night H left, very tearful, his thanking me for taking him to the airport, how much that meant and signed off we'll make it through this baby love you mucho. I was distraught, envisioning him being embraced by his friends, starting his new life that I did not respond. I also recall reading to keep contact brief or no communication at this stage... I really, really wanted to but what could I say. I had hoped he would be romantic turn around and come back or tell me when he arrived it was all a big mistake...all that movie, happy ending, tear jerker, stuff...anyway

H sent an e-mail that Saturday, which was very blunt no hello no sign off just that I really hurt him by not answering his e-mail but he understood. I did reply back after writing out what I was going to say and keeping it simple that we both were hurting and I just did not know what to say...again his reply was I understand completely...another couple of days pass and again an e-mail about some banking/money market issues along with a bit of personal chit chat but no hello or goodbye. So, feeling okay I was a bit chatty and signed off Love, Chel (oops) hit send too quickly. Anxious I checked the next day and he was chatty back but with absolutely no hellos or sign-offs, oh yeah a smiling face . I gave a super brief 5 words reply.

Last night he sent a brief e-mail, asking how I was doing and if we could talk by phone? I have not sent a reply because I don't know - what could we possibly talk about on the phone that would not make me feel worse or put me in the position of having to validate or hearing how hard things are for him. H left me with a pile of s%*t to handle, job wise and personally. There is no way I could talk about anything positive and I really wanted to reply what is the point? On the other hand, you know where I am going trying to read something into something that is not there. I had told him (he won't remember) awhile ago the worst thing I could hear after he left he was happy and this was the right choice or just as bad he is miserable and wants to come home (it is too early and can guarantee if he came home) he would leave again.

So, gang, advice on how to handle communication once they are gone? I have been doing everything in my power to focus on me and just right now enjoying not walking on eggshells, laughing when I can and getting out as much as possible.

Having all kinds of weird dreams as finally getting a few hours sleep in a row.

Thanks for everything and hugs,
Chel

M 42
H 41
Together 23 yrs.
M 16 yrs.
Bomb 5/16/09
D papers filed
H moved out 12/9/09
MLC sux

[Drew]

I would take the call. You have no idea what he wants to talk about.

But if it's to unload on you, I would politely and respectfully state that you don't need that right now and end the call.

Good luck.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Drew speaks truth.

[Chel]

Hi Drew, Jack-Three-Beans,

Good point as of course am very curious. Do I set the parameters of the call beforehand or just say yes he can call this weekend?

Chel

M 42
H 41
Together 23 yrs.
Married 16 yrs.
Bomb 5/16/09
D papers filed
H left 12/9/09