That's why we don't really discuss with RL friends too much. You seem hopeful and positive and not at all Ruined.
RL friends (and family) offer support, not advice. They care about you and know you are hurting. They want your pain to be over as quickly as possible so they can stop hurting for you. That is understandable but does not always lend itself to the best decisions for you long-term.
Was planning on moving back yesterday. Moving is contingent on having friends drive me, as I can't/don't drive. I'd been rather happy and excited to be moving back.
Instead -- 2 hours before pick-up, I had a massive panic attack [haven't had one in 7 years]. Call H to tell him I'm not coming, not sure if I'm having asthma attack or panic attack or both. H responds 'oh'. That's it.
Spend 5 hours at the ER, alone in the psych ward for 2. Never felt more alone or awful. No contact from H.
So I'm going to try this again on Monday. I'm kinda nervous about having another. Hard to maintain a PMA w/this kinda [censored] hanging around in the background.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Back in house as of 6 hours ago. H. had cranky, fighty meltdown as soon as I walked in.
H. says 'I thought we were going to talk about this'. I say 'I told you 2 weeks ago that I was moving back'. H. says 'What are you doing?' As in, I've become accustomed to living here on my own, doing what I want, who I want, when I want. Now I've wrecked all his fun.
Tell him I'm done being put out, and I'm staying, and I forsee no problems, as we've been living like room mates for a year, anyway. Also said again that if he has problem, he is free to move.
Now I'm just angry. Feel like such a dumb-a$$ for ever having left in the first place.
Plan on spending lots of time outside of the house, going to gym, visiting friends, walking dog, etc. Got a pile of new books to read [in bedroom, as I've claimed that] for when I'm here in the evening. He's been on the couch since I left in October. I assume this cold war will dissipate soon???
He stomped off to his office, where he has pretty much been all night. H. hasn't spoken one word to me since his original meltdown.
I hope this gets easier ...
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Congrat on moving back to your house and up against your H. I am hoping that I can be strong like you. Just learnt from MIL that mine is talking about moving to her (MIL’s) place to make things easier for me (he’s been engaged in an A with a co-worker since last June)?! Want to tell him that "don’t use me as an excuse but if you chose to leave, go ahead and I am fine w/ that"!
Like you said, really hope that things get easier.
Congrat on moving back to your house and up against your H. I am hoping that I can be strong like you. Just learnt from MIL that mine is talking about moving to her (MIL’s) place to make things easier for me (he’s been engaged in an A with a co-worker since last June)?! Want to tell him that "don’t use me as an excuse but if you chose to leave, go ahead and I am fine w/ that"!
Like you said, really hope that things get easier.
Bi Bi
Hi Bi Bi,
That sounds about exactly what you should say to your H. Do you have a thread posted anywhere?
Good luck & stay strong!
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Slept like a log last night. Was wonderful being back in my own bed, snuggled by my own critters.
Woke up fairly early to find H. gone. H. was in & out all day, slamming doors, banging around, hiding in office. I stayed in my room until I had to leave for IC.
Made plans w/friends for the evening. Got dressed cute, did hair & make-up before leaving [180 for me, don't bother unless going to work]. H. didn't see any of it.
Left at 4 PM, returned around midnight slightly tipsy. H. tried to instigate fight, which I diffused. H. starts R talk. Listen, validate, talk about my experience w/M [180 for me].
H. mentions 5 weeks of darkness as me avoiding him/R. Tell H. it was to get MYSELF together, so as to not be reactive, nasty, vindictive, etc. H. says 'you have panic attack when you have to see me, move back, etc'.
Didn't know how to respond to that, b/c, yes, I kinda think that the reason I had the panic attack was b/c of the stress of moving back.
H. seemed to visibly soften. Then he said 'Do you mind if I go to bed?'
H. sleeping on couch, me sleeping up here. Just don't even know what to think.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
