Still Wandering

[TrentC]

I'm glad to hear that it went well for you.

Let us know how things are going, once you've had a chance to process things more.

[NOMAD]

Mrs. NOMAD is still very much on the fence. Midway through Retro she became flooded, fearing that she was being controlled to become a conservative, boring, god fearing houswife, her worst nightmare. She became very anxious and insisted that she needed a separation from me. We talked about it and she settled down for the rest of the weekend. 3 of her close GFs are now separated, she says it's helping 2 the other one is headed for divorce court. She says she gets alot of good advice from other people.

I found keys to a PO Box and safety deposit box. She's probably stashing cash and receiving confidential correspondence.

Should I confront her, bring it up in MC or let it ride? I'm very concerned about our finances. She's always handled our finances up until recently when I've become more involved to know whats where.

[NOMAD]

I'm getting an individual PO Box, Safe Deposit Box, checking and savings accts.

Reflecting the actions and behavior of the WAW.

I'll write her a letter telling her that this is a precaution to protect myself financially and that I'm moving on. I'm done looking at the past and apologizing for it as I can't change it. You can come if you want, or don't. It's that simple.

A big 180 for me, especially just after Retro. But it's all about rediscovery and focusing on the future.

I'm meeting with an attorney on Monday to understand my rights. I will not disclose this to her.

Coach, PDT, TrentC or anybody have any comments???

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's always good to learn your legal rights and responsibilities. And no don't tell her you're taking this route. Any eventual proceding is going to require full, detailed financial disclosures and affadavits, by both of you.

In fact, that might bea good idea, to deliver that as a truth dart:

"I certainly hope you're not hiding assets or debts from me. Not only would that be incredibly disrespectful, but if things should not work out with us, you're only going to be required to reveal it all anyway."

Puppy

[NOMAD]

Last night as a LRT and to completely drop the rope I told Mrs. NOMAD that this last year was unproductive in improving our marriage and I have decided to move on. I am tired of apologizing for the things I've done wrong in the past and I can't do anything about them. I'm tired of trying to feel her pain, anger and numbness, it's in the past and I can't do anything about it now. I can't pull her back and I will no longer try. From now on I'm looking forward into MY future and will do what's best for ME.

I said that Retro made me realize that to dwell on the past is unhealthy and is poisoning our lives. We need to accept that our marriage of the past is dead, we need to have a marriage funeral, morn and move on into the future.

She asked if this meant separation or divorce. I told her my basic feelings remain the same and I would hope for a NEW and happier relationship for both of us. I told her I can't control her, I'm letting her go, and she has to make her own decisions. I want her to join me, it's her decision and it's as easy as that. I told her I still disagreed with a separation or divorce and I still would not be leaving the house. She said she didn't want to leave because of our S.

We both seemed relieved throughout the evening and had very positive dialogue concerning our futures. I felt she understood what I was feeling and she even complimented me, she said she found me more attractive and had more respect for me.

THEN THE PHONE RANG. I couldn't find it because it was some new cell phone hidden under papers on her desk. When asked about the mystry phone she said she had found it and was going to return it to the store, TOTAL BS!This morning the story was that she was holding it for a GF who had a "thing" going on, not true. She even had the GF call me and apologize for getting us involved and she would come pick up the phone.

Then MRS. NOMAD starting talking, only 1/2 truths though. She admitted to the PA of 2-3 months ago. Having an EA for 2 years and the "several" sex encounters. She still has feelings for this OM. I was the 4Cs, said I needed to digest all of this and we had a long way to go but at least we are in MC.

She wanted the phone. I kept it, reversed numbered....it was registered in her maiden name and the only other number in it was the OM.....go figure.

The tide has completely changed, I have many options and opportunities, what can some of you recommend? I don't want to screw this up this weekend and to think I slept well last night thinking I'd regained my self respect and some of her respect.


Still Wandering,
NOMAD

[Puppy Dog Tails]

NOMAD,

I'm sorry to hear all of this, but none of it really surprises me. "Secret affair cellphones" are EXTREMELY common, but the fact that she's still LYING to you so much is probably even more of a concern to you, I'm thinking.

I'm not sure if you're a man of faith or not, but I firmly believe that God throws us "bones" sometimes when He knows our heart is right, and we really need it. Your wife's secret affair phone ringing when it did, at a time when you were waffling between S, D, and reconciliation, maybe is such a bone.

I can only tell you what I would do, and much of my opinion is based on the financial concerns (secret safe deposit box, etc.). I would file for divorce TOMORROW, and thus begin the process of full financial affadavits and disclosures that will have to accompany such a process.

You're already acknowledged to her that it's time to protect yourself emotionally, in your talk. Now it's time to protect yourself legally and financially. I'm really sorry to say this, but she does NOT have your best interests at heart right now -- FAR FROM IT.

Puppy

[chatterbug]

I agree with Puppy

[Steve McQueen]

The tide has completely changed, I have many options and opportunities, what can some of you recommend? I don't want to screw this up this weekend and to think I slept well last night thinking I'd regained my self respect and some of her respect.

Divorce Her! No, Kick her out of the house first then divorce her. She is cuckolding you and all you are getting is relieved through positive dialogue concerning our futures; wait no you are being fed a bunch of lies....

[OnceBurdened]

I'm with Pup, cutter and REALLY Agree W/ McQueen.

[NOMAD]

Thanks to all for the concensus.

I told her to start packing and leave the house. She said she would not leave the house.

I met with an attorney this week. She has alot to loose and probably doesn't realize that. I told her today that I have started the process. I will light the fuse Monday if needed.

I contacted MC and prepared her for our next meeting Monday morning.

I contacted financial advisor and put a freeze on all assets and transactions until further notice.

It should be a fun weekend at the NOMAD pad.......