After a long night of thinking I've come to a very important decision. I have decided that I am not getting a divorce. I am going to save my marriage! Now my wife doesn't know anything about this and I'm sure that she isn't in agreement with it. But forget her and and she wants! I am going to do whatever I need to work things out. Problem is I'm not sure of what I need to do right now. So any suggestions that you guys have will be greatly appreciated.
The first thing that I think I need to do is change my approach. I have been doing two things, trying to GAL and also going along with my wife's plan. I have GAL by going to gym, working, hanging out with buddies, going on vacations, shopping, etc. This has not sparked any interest out of my wife at all. I will continue doing this for my own benefit but not with the goal of attracting her. I have followed my wife's plan by giving her her space and freedom. She only talks to me if it is important or about the kids. She shows not interest or concern for me at all. She completely ignores me at home and will not speak when coming in or leaving the house. She become irritated with any conversation that I initiate. I have gone along with this and have tried not to pursue her or bother her. I will call her if it is late and she is still out or call home to talk to her when I work midnights just to see how everything is. Other than that I will only call her if it is important. Maybe I should change my approach. What do you all think? What should I try?
I just decided that I am not getting a divorce. Not I just have to make her come to the same decision.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
I work nights and I call to check on her and the kids. Something that I always have done.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
Hi wolverine. I would suggest that you go completely dark, pitch black. You pick up the script of the WAS and play the role to a T. God knows that enough of us have heard their lines and seen their moves often enough. Act like you have lots of wonderful things to do that really have nothing to do with her. Everything that she has done- do right back at her. No talking unless its business/kids related.
Make sure that your kids have a way to get ahold of you at any time, and make sure that they know in absolutely no uncertain terms that they can contact you if they need to.
And if she starts to melt, dont jump on her bandwagon!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
The only problem I have with going pitch black is that I may be playing right into her hands. She is already dark with me and I had been semi-dark with her. She prefers no contact. Am I looking at this correctly?
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
She prefers no contact while you are still initiating contact. I think that if you are convincing to her that you are capable of moving on, it will hurt her pride. She is in the position of power right now because she KNOWS that you are dying for any sign from her that indicates that she is at all interested in you.
Are you still in the same house? Look great, smell great, have exciting adventures for you and the kids to have, and dont invite her... be a WAH. Just give it a try, is what your doing right now working? The only other change in approach I could think of is you ramping up your pursuit... which absolutely will not work.
Have you heard drop the rope? Imagine that you are pulling an elephant with a rope, no matter how hard you pull, it wont move, and you get exhausted, and pi$$ the elephant off in the process. But if you drop the rope, it can come to you under its own power.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
You make absolute sense. We are in the same house but different rooms. She sleeps with the kids. So should I show any consideration? Call if I'm late? Call her if she is late? Get her opinion about household concerns?
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
Does she call when shes going to be late? The only thing here is that if you expect her to be in by 12:30 am, you have to be in by 12:30 am, know what I mean?
There are a few books, one called No More Mr. Niceguy, and another called Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S -(I think)that you might want to check out, they come pretty highly recommended by men on these boards.
You dont have to be an a$$, in fact I would continue to be respectful, after all, your children are watching, but dont be overly accomodating. I also certainly wouldnt call her if shes late, she will see if as controlling. But I also dont think that its unreasonable for you to have some kind of expectation of when shell be home, some men even set that as a boundary, ie- dont come home after midnight. If it is a "business" concern I think that she should be consulted, but I wouldnt give her anymore consideration than you think that she would give you.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
You have given me the best advice that I have had in a long time. DARK VADER I am! This will be hard for me at times though. Showing consideration has always been a big deal for me, ie. calling when I change plans or if I'm late. But I can do this!
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
