Good morning. I have been reading the marriage remedy and it all makes great sense. I need a breakthrough now though it seems. I am afraid it may be nearing 'to late'. Is there a companion book that my spouse could read ( if I can get them to) that would lead them in the same train of thought yet not foil my "plan"?? I am almost certain there is another person,albeit not physical, but steering in the wrong direction at the least. The hardest thing in the world is being QUIET!! thanks for any help.
Here is a quick profile Me-36 Her-36 Married 1997 together 3 years previous 2 girls 5,8 Tension and problems 2 years (longer for her she says) I Moved out 11/5/09
Montana, Hi. Welcome/sorry. First the only "companion' book would be DivorceBusting. I've never read it, but I've read on these boards that DB is several years older than DR and that DR is far better. That being said, DO NOT give DR to your spouse, or let them see it or even know about it. 1) Why give one's strategy away, give yourself away? 2)Your spouse will see your changes as phony and formulaic,
I may not have much time today as my family has our Thanksgiving Day today. But others will be by. In the meantime, Post info. Are you H or W? How old, How long together, how long married, children?, etc. Who what where when why, details and timeline of exactly what's been going on. Read "Quotes Found on Divorce Busting (II)" at the top of The Newcomers Forum.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Do not make suggestions to spouse for books for them to read. It will come across as pushy, and be counter-productive to you. At best, if you can find a decent book for them that would be good, maybe, and I say maybe, just leave it where it could be found. And DB and DR are very much the same book, DR is just an updated version, do not hand over DB as you may as well be giving your spouse all of your ammo and "game plans".
Montana, can you also post some info as Gardener said, it will be a lot of help to others who would give advice to you if we knew whether or not you are H or W, are you dealing with a WAS, any bombs dropped, ILYBINILWY, kids, etc......
Here is a quick profile Me-36 Her-36 Married 1997 together 3 years previous 2 girls 5,8 Tension and problems 2 years (longer for her she says) I Moved out 11/5/09
Here is a quick profile Me-36 Her-36 Married 1997 together 3 years previous 2 girls 5,8 Tension and problems 2 years (longer for her she says) I Moved out 11/5/09
Just curious......why did you move out ? Did she insist ? Was it your idea ? It will help us understand her thinking. If she has abandonment issues and you moved out, she will emotionally amputate you quickly to avoid triggering those abandonment fears.
Cookie
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Montana, get used to her saying that this has been going on for years. It is WAS script, and you will be blamed for everything under the sun. I am curious as to why you were the one to move out also. When my XW wanted to end things, I made it very clear that only one of us wanted out, and that person could use the door, not me. Is there any chance of you being able to move back into your home at this point? You are losing a lot of ground by being out of the home, and losing even more if this does go to the big D. Did the kids stay in the home? The more info you can post, the more help you be able to get from this site. Also, if you add your last post to your profile as your signiture, it will help alot of people here reading your sitch.
I moved out because (she asked me to) it was logistically easier.She kept the girls. I was hoping it would be a breath of fresh air that we both could use. I figured then I would come back home and we would have a new platform to start on. So far 3weeks later she is not ready for me to come back although I definately see the release of tension i her life, I am misreable !!! I did ask to come home and she nearly had an anxiety attack..
Here is a quick profile Me-36 Her-36 Married 1997 together 3 years previous 2 girls 5,8 Tension and problems 2 years (longer for her she says) I Moved out 11/5/09
Went out to the house and put all our christmas lights up!! Hope she likes them.
Here is a quick profile Me-36 Her-36 Married 1997 together 3 years previous 2 girls 5,8 Tension and problems 2 years (longer for her she says) I Moved out 11/5/09
Do you want to be out of the house? If not, is there a spare bedroom for you to move back into? The longer you are out of the home, the longer you are away from your girls, the worse place you will be in should this continue to move toward a divorce. You could be seen as abandoning the home. If you are miserable, then go home. If she doesn't like it, then let her move out. You will find a way to get help with the girls when needed. Maybe some of the others on here will help chime in with some help, look for PuppyDogTails, read some of his advice to others. Also GucciLoafer. There are others too with great advice, I just can't think of them off the top of my head right now, as I don't spend the time on here that I used too anymore. Good luck with everything and I will check back in. Shock
