Oh Gno! What is going on?

[Gnosis]

I've been asked as few times as to what my situation is. This is a copy of a response I posted to V1olin's thread. I've been avoiding it like the plague because I don't know where to begin and to be honest it's so much easier to respond to other people's threads than start my own.

So... my situation in a nutshell:

• About 2 years ago I was WAH. No affair. I was 'done'. W was unaware of the crisis and I never told anyone what I was going through. Today is the first time this knowledge has ever been 'exposed'. Used the excuse of looking for a job outside the country to justify.
• Away for total 4 months while I sorted out my crap. Took me 7 weeks to realize how much I loved my W. Brought her over and spent 6 wonderful weeks on a 'second honeymoon' in the mid-period.
• About 6 months ago W declares she wants space. I 'push' her, she says she is done and wants out.
• Panicked, begged, pleaded etc until I clicked.
• Hurt like hell. Went dark. Let go. Licked my wounds.
• 'found myself' and started planning strategies and tactics on winning her back (difficult to do when you're 1000's of miles away)
• Moved back home (five weeks now) to the ice-queen.
• Trickle feeding in my 180's so as not to scare the cat.
• My tactics are beginning to thaw through the ice.

I've never been denied access to the marital bed but have been denied intimacy. I've made many mistakes in my M, but so has she. Right now I'm detached enough to look at things objectively and working through 'communicating'.

When I returned I got that, 'So you're back. Nothing's changed. I still want out' speech. I haven't let it phase me. It's a constant battle. I don't look for 'signs' of improvement and try not to read her mind. So, what am I doing? Pushing her jealousy buttons discreetly. Working on her LL's. I think she is starting to see the man she fell in love but I don't read too much into it.

However, as time goes by I'm starting to question my own needs and reflecting on my wants. I'm building myself into a position of 'power' so I can make a rational decision and not an emotional one. I'm pretty well versed in 'girl-fu' and have a pretty good idea of what works and doesn't with women. Not to say that I don't screw up... because I do. I have passive-aggressive tendencies and need to constantly keep myself in check because they don't work in my sitch.

Like I said, it's VERY complicated. There are a lot of details I've skipped and will add in as time goes on. One of the reasons I didn't want to post a thread was because I wasn't really looking for feedback. I've been content to glean experience from other people's posts and apply to my case. Yeah, I'm a typical male.

[v1olin]

I dont post much to my own thread either because I read other peoples threads and use what I learn. It sounds like you are doing a good job DB'ing and you definetly give very good and thorough advice! Thank you for your time on my sitch.

[chatterbug]

No comments from me. You can post in my thread any time

[Ready2Change]

Glad to see you start your own thread. You give sound advise to others. I fix me by helping others. Looks like helping others helps fix you.

[Gardener]

Gnosis,
Ditto the above.
Thanks for sharing your sitch.
Good to know there's a place to find you, now.

[luvless]

VERY well said!

[Gnosis]

Hey luv, I haven't forgotten about you. Was just holding off until I saw you online again.

And the rest of you guys, thanks Anyone wants my hard (oft hot) headed opinion, you're welcome to give me a shout over hear.

[motherof3]

Thanks for sharing.

I learned something today. I now know how to define gnosis, but had to google it first.

[luvless]

I know you haven't G - for someone to take the time out like you did and separate all those quotes for questions? Much appreciated

[Lll54]

Thanks for the thread, I finally now know what's inside of YOU! Makes it easier to see where you're coming from when you post on my thread. THanks again