If it feels absolutely right, do it. If it feels wrong, don't. If you can't decide or keep waffling, don't.
This has been in my head for the last few days and I never remembered where I saw it, however it helps so much when I am questioning the moment at hand -
Thank you Gypsy -
You get the credit for keeping my head semi-clear the last few days
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
When I first started counseling a few months after he left she focused on the basics.
If it hurt to see him, talk on the phone. If talking on the phone was too difficult, use email. If email sent me over the edge, read it, close it. Look at it later. Wait 24 to 48 hours before responding. I would read the email to my brother to understand what it meant because I was such an emotional wreck (and recovering from a significant head injury).
If it feels absolutely right, do it. If it feels wrong, don't. If you can't decide or keep waffling, don't.
When I couldn't get a thought out of my mind, was obsessing realize it for what it was.. anxiety.. who's gift is to take the smallest twinge of fear and exponentially explode it. Stop what I was doing, move, get out of my head to break the cycle.
Express it all.. the anger and emotions.. first through writing, then through drawing (at times scribbling the paper to shreds), singing.. exercise, constructive destruction (my own coping mechanism consisting of whacking away bushes, small trees, heave ho-ing clutter, etc in time of crisis to help focus and vent).
Over time through reading and learning I found..
The reality is never as bad as what I fear.
Implemented The Four Agreements as a guidepost in life. Be Impeccable With Your Words Don't Take Anything Personally Don't Make Assumptions Always Do Your Best
When anger surges, send blessings to the one I'm annoyed at.
Immediately forgive another for what sets me off, since it's coming from within me.
Try to do what I fear most first, the rest is easy.
Be healthy in mind, body and spirit. The rest will follow. (Still working on that).
Attempt what I always dreamed but was too fearful to try. Can't be any worse than not doing it.
Reach out to others.
Ask for help.
Sit on my hands and let others figure it out... i.e., hush my compulsion to have all the answers and fix things.
Realize that what I write here inadvertently are messages often meant for my own well being. I guess, what I write is what I need to hear, too.
Ohhh and so many other things. Keep finding your stride.
Inviting W to Thanksgiving was the furthest thing from my mind. That would hurt too much. This is my first holiday thru this and I am not handling it well. From Halloween to tomorrow and I can't even begin to face Christmas, I am and will dread these days. This time of year meant so much to me, even Halloween. I wish I could go to an island until Jan. 2.
Nov. 4th was our anniversary and I handled it pretty well. Patted myself on the back. But the holidays, very different.
When I first started counseling a few months after he left she focused on the basics.
If it hurt to see him, talk on the phone. If talking on the phone was too difficult, use email. If email sent me over the edge, read it, close it. Look at it later. Wait 24 to 48 hours before responding. I would read the email to my brother to understand what it meant because I was such an emotional wreck (and recovering from a significant head injury).
If it feels absolutely right, do it. If it feels wrong, don't. If you can't decide or keep waffling, don't.
Gypsy, I wanted to thank you this. I came across this advice at a time I really needed & I just wanted to let you know how it helped me gain some clarity. Your whole post here is wonderful too. Since it's Thanksgiving, let me thank you!
And thanks to everyone here in the DB family. I am sorry for your pain, but the counsel, support, encouragement & even scolding I find here is a total Godsend. I don't think I can adequately express how much having this outlet is a support system for me. Thank you each & every one!
I too, am dreading the holidays. But with the help of you good people (and don't miss Coach's excellent thread on getting through the holidays), I get encouragement & don't feel so alone in this. Peace and good wishes to all.
