Bomb dropped in July after 13 years M. WAS had EA with some PA components after (so she claims) bomb. EA was discovered and apparently ended in late October. As part of my detachment and GAL process I went on date (4 actually) with another woman. WAS learned about when she cracked password and snooped on telephone. Ever since she has made multiple sarcastic references to this OW (ie. sent a text last week suggesting I might have mono and that I should ask OW whether she has any problems). About two weeks ago we resumed sexual relations on a "no strings attached" basis. This lasted just one week (and was ended after comments I received on another stitch). Last night she learned I was going to an annual Christmas Party without her (I planned to go alone). This, or something else, appears to have sent her over the deep end. Last night she wandered into my room on 3 separate occasions railing on me. She says she knows what I'm up to and knows what I'm doing (I've been doing a much better job GALing the last few days) and that it's all "manipulation". On the third visit she claimed that the resumption (albeit brief) of our sexual relationship was all a manipulated set up for me to obtain some advantage in the legal process! As evidence she pointed to the fact that one evening I was unable to perform. Is this kind of rage normal? Is this type of bizarre accusation common on the part of a WAS? Does it end at some point? She seems completely unwilling to believe that the positive changes I've embarked upon are for real. [note that legal proceedings have not begun although we have both retained lawyers and a 4 way meeting is scheduled for next week].
The anger is normal. She's finally realizing she's losing cntrol. Keep doing what you are doing until she realizes that your changes are permanent. The anger and demonization of you and your past are textbook. Hang in there and stay strong.
Everything here looks normal from my perspective. Everything should be met with smiling confidence until it goes over the line for you in which you end it right there and then. This will continue as others have said, once she realizes that this is no act. Then some real building can commence.
What in the world are "some PA components"?? That's a new one on me!
Yeah, methinks someone is over-analyzing this a bit.
She's either in an EA or a PA. Even if she "only" slept with him once, or "only" makes out with him, that's pretty well into PA territory.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Thanks to all who replied. The some PA components refers to WAS' claim that she and personal trainer only made out (kissed) a few times. I've seen Puppy post elsewhere with words to the effect that a cheater will often acknowledge one level less than what they've actually done.
Today WAS has changed tactics. The anger has been suppressed and she's instead engaged in phony and/or exaggerated "niceness". I'd almost prefer the anger!
Today WAS has changed tactics. The anger has been suppressed and she's instead engaged in phony and/or exaggerated "niceness". I'd almost prefer the anger!
She's obviously trying to manipulate you, so there's no reason to treat her any different. Polite, calm detachment.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Today WAS has changed tactics. The anger has been suppressed and she's instead engaged in phony and/or exaggerated "niceness". I'd almost prefer the anger!
She's obviously trying to manipulate you, so there's no reason to treat her any different. Polite, calm detachment.
Trent, to what end or for what purpose does a WAS try to manipulate? What's the point? She's already announced that she wants out.
Her tactics changed again after dinner. She commented a couple of times that it's obvious we "both want out" so why don't we attempt to sit down and discuss a settlement in advance of next weeks meeting with lawyers. She outlined the alternative (which she seems to believe I fear...she's threatened to "take me down") as going directly to court.
She is well aware that I am prepared to work on the R as I told her this more than once earlier in the process. In the circumstances I ignored the bait. I advised she should do what she believes best but that I would not sit down to "negotiate" without my legal counsel. I then declined to discuss further.
Trent, to what end or for what purpose does a WAS try to manipulate? What's the point? She's already announced that she wants out.
But she's not 100% sure of that, unless she's filed the paperwork already. In fact, she tips her hand here...
Originally Posted By: DazednBefuddled
Her tactics changed again after dinner. She commented a couple of times that it's obvious we "both want out" so why don't we attempt to sit down and discuss a settlement in advance of next weeks meeting with lawyers. She outlined the alternative (which she seems to believe I fear...she's threatened to "take me down") as going directly to court.
She wants you to give away the store in an attempt to be "fair-minded".
Originally Posted By: DazednBefuddled
She is well aware that I am prepared to work on the R as I told her this more than once earlier in the process. In the circumstances I ignored the bait. I advised she should do what she believes best but that I would not sit down to "negotiate" without my legal counsel. I then declined to discuss further.
Well done!
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
