Compromise or cake eating? Any thoughts?

[Entangled]

My wife moved out on October 5th. One of the first things we had to resolve was a parenting schedule for our 5 yo son. After some negotiation, we managed to work out a schedule that I thought was really in our son's best interest. One thing she did want was on the nights she was dropping him off after having him after school/dinner, was to be able to give him a bath, do the bedtime routing and tuck him in. I told her flat out that I though this was a bad idea and would only serve to confuse him. She understood and agreed. I did think this was a bad idea for my son, but my personal motive with this was to not let her have her cake and eat it too by leaving and yet having all the privileges of being mommy at home.

Fast forward a month. She's hurting, clearly missing her time with him, and trying to renegotiate our arrangement so she has him sleep at her place one night a week during the school week. I'm definitely against this, as I think he should have a consistent school routine, one that doesn't have him waking up in a different place during the week. I explained this to her, and offered to give her an additional night with him on "my weekends". She thought that was a good idea, asked to think about it, and came back a few days later basically asking for the same thing she originally wanted - him at her place one night during the school week.

I thought we had managed to work through this and negotiate a solution, but now it seems like we're on a course to be squabbling over time with our son. I feel that if I give in to her request, we start down a slippery slope of trying to divide his time 50/50 between us, not something I think will work for a 5yo just starting school. We've been very accommodating with each other as far as his time goes, and neither of us has to go more than 24-36 hours without getting to spend several hours of quality time with him. But the bottom line is he lives with me, and he should be home on school nights. I'm worried that it could start to get nasty...

Then I had what may be an epiphany. Instead of letting her have him overnight during the school week, what would happen if I agreed to her original request - that is to be able to pick him up after school, do homework dinner, etc, drop him off, and let her take part in his bedtime routine before she goes to her place for the night? Is this letting her cake eat, or is it a compromise and an opportunity? It would enable me to not only keep him during the school week, but to allow her some mommy time at night and give us some family time under the same roof. It could be an opportunity for us to be able to interact and be able to hopefully make some progress.

Any thoughts on this? Laurie, feel free to chime in here if you see this.

[sandycay]

I think most custody has a evening during the week but that's just for dinner and then every other weekend.. I think that's standard but you can hash it I know some people do a week here and a week there.

I personally think you shouldn't change a thing, because she'll ask for more and more plus this is a natural consequence of her decision let her live with it.