I replied a little later, "Thank you for your honesty. I want a marriage where the one I love, loves me back. I know I will have that again, it just won't be with you".
Truth? I cried. A lot. Death of a dream and all that. But only for 15 minutes or so.
Because I know something I didn't know before. I am going to be okay. Better than okay. Because, now I know. And that is freeing, too. I am free to let someone, someday, love me with a great love that H was incapable/unwilling (doesn't really matter which) to give.
BBJ, Thank you for this thread and sharing your story & wisdom with us. I cried when I read this, because it hit home so much. You are right, who wants to be married to someone who doesn't feel the same? Incapable/unwilling whatever, it doesn't matter. Thank you for this insight, I will take this with me & paste it into my favorite DB quotes. And you are an inspiration & doing fantastic but I know you had to go through hell to get there. Please know reading your story helps me & many others who are not as far along. Thank you so much & wishing you & your kids all the best.
"Because I know something I didn't know before. I am going to be okay. Better than okay. Because, now I know. And that is freeing, too. I am free to let someone, someday, love me with a great love that H was incapable/unwilling (doesn't really matter which) to give."
This is a fantastic, tear jerking thought.
You are helping so many others by simply sharing your journey
Well, I forgot last night was H's night (I have Mondays most of the time, our arrangement is still month-to-month, we sit with a calendar and pick days. A formal agreement is written in the petition but not in action yet.)
He showed up with steaks and made supper. I stayed and ate, cause, hey, it was steak...
Then I left to go Christmas shopping. The only 'oops' I committed was commenting on how it took him 8 weeks to decide...he actually interrupted and said, "I think I am still trying to decide actually". Whatever that means. Again, if committing to me is an agonizing decision,that speaks volumes, doesn't it???
So I went shopping. Got back late (11). He went out to his car and brought me in the "Receipt of service" form from the divorce petition. He finally got it notarized...
So I am taking it to the attorney's office today. I didn't even cry...
Just remember boys and girls, we are good enough, we are smart enough, and doggone it, people like us!
The first time I signed our legal separation papers I did shed a tear mostly because it seemed so strange to see our entire life reduced to a 14 page legal document. Then my H flaked on that Agreement. Many weeks later I had to sign them again and my attny said to me "you did this once, you are strong enough to do it again". The second time I just whipped off my signature and that was that. No more tears.
We *are* good enough - as a matter of fact we are pretty darn awesome if I do say so myself
Many blessings to you and thanks for the inspiration!
Well, I DID cry when I signed the petition/filed. A lot. But that was 8 weeks ago, and for him to drag it out this long just to sign them anyway, I figure someone who wanted me and respected me wouldn't do that...so I didn't cry this time.
We are awesome, aren't we?! We just have to remember that...
Again, if committing to me is an agonizing decision,that speaks volumes, doesn't it???
