1st Option: Are you on the lease? If not - you can use that to your advantage by telling him if he doesn't respect your boundaries and stop dropping by when he feels like it, that you'll find your own place and he can deal with having two rent payments.
2nd Option: If you are both on the lease, and you really like the place, can afford it on your own and want to stay there, then go talk to your landlord, tell him your H has moved out into his own place and you want to renew the lease now in your name only.
3rd Option: February will be here before you know it so hang in there until then and start looking for your own place to move into once the lease is up.
We're both on the lease and I'm not thrilled with the place. I thought of another option - since the house is so convenient, he can move back into it and I can take the condo. Think I'll wait for Monday's MC session before I propose that option. I'm going to see if he can see the light on respecting my boundaries during that session first.
I've been thinking all day of just filing for divorce. I thought I had moved beyond my anger stage, but apparently not. My resentment has been festering all day. Doesn't help that I'm PMSing. I keep telling myself not to shoot my mouth off and say something I will regret while my hormones are raging. This too shall pass.
Me: 30 Him: 31 M: 4 yrs; T: 10 yrs No children Bomb: 10/4/09 S: 11/16/09 D proceedings begin: January 2010
So H walked in the door again to "pick up some stuff". No phone call or text beforehand of course. Good thing I had completed my packing up of his closet and putting it by the door. I came downstairs and showed it to him - like TA DA, here it all is - I even packed your brown shoes, PJs, and ties (all things he kept leaving behind). He kept staring at me like I had lost my mind. I again calmly told him that he was not respecting my boundaries by not calling or texting me before he came over. He got miffed again and said as long as he was paying half the rent, he would not be respecting my boundaries regarding the house. So I said "Great! I'll pay the rent!" Again he looked at me like I had just beamed down from another planet. He was incredulous. He kept questioning my ability to run the house - "don't you want me to come by and pay the bills?" "Nope, I'll pay my own." "What about mowing the lawn?" "I can figure it out or I'll give some money to a neighborhood kid to do it." I almost went and looked in the mirror to see if I had grown another head based on the way he was staring at me. He asked me what was up with my weird mood. (I was smiling and acting like him moving his stuff out is the highlight of my week - and in actuality, it kind of is.)
After that, he tried to change tactics. He kept asking for a hug. Then a "friendship" hug. I told him I had enough friends. Eventually he just came over and made me hug him. I gave him the OK-buddy-you're-creeping-me-out hug. He asked if I had any curtains he could borrow. I said nope, the ones I have are up on the wall. I got the feeling that his condo doesn't have any blinds. Hahahahahaha!
Then I sat on the stairs and watched him take his stuff out to his car. Mainly to make sure he didn't take anything he shouldn't, but also for the pure pleasure of seeing him finally move out with a big frown on his face. He asked if he could take one of the dogs for a night. I said hell no, plus he'd be seeing both dogs over Thanksgiving. He doesn't have the cojones to just show up and take them while I'm not here. For one, he wouldn't put them in his new car, and for two, I've let him know I'd call the cops at that point.
Then as he closed the door, I gave him a huge smile and waved. I will never ever forget the look on his face. I'll get the house key from him after Thanksgiving. He won't hand it over before the end of the month anyways.
Calling his bluff might be the single best thing I've done thus far. He's worried.
Me: 30 Him: 31 M: 4 yrs; T: 10 yrs No children Bomb: 10/4/09 S: 11/16/09 D proceedings begin: January 2010
OMFG!!! That is beautiful! You should become our poster child...I am so proud of you that I am beaming!!!!! Way to state your boundaries...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
It gets better. Three hours later, he calls me and apologizes for seeming "distant" this week (uhhh, try for the past 5-6 months buddy). And then he asks me out on a date. I told him I was busy on Saturday night, so that wouldn't work. He asked about Saturday afternoon, and I said that wouldn't work either since I would be leaving in the early evening. So we scheduled for a Sunday afternoon date.
Looks like I found a cheese-filled tunnel! I called my mom and told her the whole thing and we had a good time laughing about it. Still cautiously optimistic though. I don't want to get burned.
Me: 30 Him: 31 M: 4 yrs; T: 10 yrs No children Bomb: 10/4/09 S: 11/16/09 D proceedings begin: January 2010
