Question for LBS

[Wholeagain]

My anger and resentment towards WAH were replaced by pain of loss. Which was replaced by hope and DB'ing. This week, about 3 months into separation, I feel a definite anger again. Do other LBSs go through the same cycles emotionally?

Is this anger covering up pain of losing someone I want to be with or am I simply angry for being rejected but actually don't want to be with him anymore?

I thought I was through with that anger in the first month. And it was a mere reaction to being heartbroken. I've noticed I didn't have any urge to cry or feel sad or hurt this week, and thought I was doing great and GAL'ing was working. Only soon to realize any time I thought of STBXH it was in a very negative light and I was feeling angry at him. If he would show up at my door asking to MC I would say no.

I wonder if this is a temporary anger spill as a way of dealing with hurt. Or am I giving up on it?
I don't like being worked up about it, I definitely need more GAL.

[Kalni]

It's perfectly normal. Cycling is very normal in these sitches. Where you are at, anger is because you are getting frustrated, you see once we find DBing and we get our hopes up. Hopefullness replacess helplessness, but then usually, it takes time and we are not prepared for that. So, anger creeps in because their response is not as we thought it would be and not as fast as we wished.

I would not suggest to avoid anger. On the contrary, go thru it, stay away from your H (if you have regular contact) and try to figure out what is hurting you. As my C says, Anger is not a primary emotion, it really goes down to fear. So, you are afraid you've lost him?

Stay strong, we dont know what may happen in the future. All can do is live our present best way we can(note to self:read it twice)!
K

[Wholeagain]

Kalni, thank you for your response.
That's what my C was saying as well, anger is a protection mechanism from feeling hurt. Yes, I'm afraid he's not coming back. I cheered up that I stopped feeling hurt over it and started moving on, alas it was only anger covering it up.
I am looking forward to not feeling hurt and not feeling angry at the same time. Hope it will happen sooner than later.

[newmama]

It is totally normal. I have even read that
once you reconcile, you will still have days where you feel anger.

When I was detached for a 3 month period of NC, I wondered if it meant that I didn't love my WH anymore. But then I saw him at a dr. appt or a birthing class and the feelings rushed back.

My point? Anger is a feeling not an answer.

[dday101798]

Hope it will happen sooner than later.

That can only be determined by you and how quickly you can let it all go and let your WAS deal with their conviction in their own time and go about your life in peace.