I'm just shocked after reading though most people's situations. They are all virtually the same. LBS is stunned, and hear/see the same things from spouse: "I need space", ILYBNILY, they get more spiritual, "I'm a different person now", "there's no-one else", "we've both changed", they get tatoos & implants, etc... It's as if they all read from the same textbook on how to leave.
What I wish is that someone could come up with a textbook of signs to read before we start getting all the above BS!
I don't know about a textbook of signs to read, but I'm beginning to think that couples who are looking to get married should be encouraged -- hell, required -- to go through premarital counseling.
Learn to treat your marriage as something to protect and nuture together. Learn to set healthy boundaries. Learn to give each other the space to communicate honestly. Learn to recognize and avoid co-dependant behaviors.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I'm just shocked after reading though most people's situations. They are all virtually the same. LBS is stunned, and hear/see the same things from spouse: "I need space", ILYBNILY, they get more spiritual, "I'm a different person now", "there's no-one else", "we've both changed", they get tatoos & implants, etc... It's as if they all read from the same textbook on how to leave.
What I wish is that someone could come up with a textbook of signs to read before we start getting all the above BS!
They wouldn't read it. I point out the "warning signs" to people all the time, but 90% of them stick their head in the sand, JUST AS I DID.
You ain't ready until you're ready. And then you are.
I don't know about a textbook of signs to read, but I'm beginning to think that couples who are looking to get married should be encouraged -- hell, required -- to go through premarital counseling.
Learn to treat your marriage as something to protect and nuture together. Learn to set healthy boundaries. Learn to give each other the space to communicate honestly. Learn to recognize and avoid co-dependant behaviors.
Amen to that!
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1867595#Post1867595
They wouldn't read it. I point out the "warning signs" to people all the time, but 90% of them stick their head in the sand, JUST AS I DID.
You ain't ready until you're ready. And then you are.
He is right.
My MIL saw danger signs well before anything came to a head for us. I told her that I wished that she would have said something at the time, but I also know that it probably wouldn't have done any good.
Which is why I phrased my recommendations for premarital counseling the way I did.
Heck, we should be required to go for annual marital check-ups...
I know the love chemicals are all flying around, but it would be nice if we could get newlyweds to understand that there will be times when you don't feel very loving towards your spouse, and those are the times when you have to try the hardest.
There's a reason I had this in my signature (until the DB gods removed it -- must be a rule against outside links in sigs?):
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
They wouldn't read it. I point out the "warning signs" to people all the time, but 90% of them stick their head in the sand, JUST AS I DID.
You ain't ready until you're ready. And then you are.
He is right.
My MIL saw danger signs well before anything came to a head for us. I told her that I wished that she would have said something at the time, but I also know that it probably wouldn't have done any good.
I agree, my MIL says she saw it coming, but did nothing. That's because she wanted it to happen. She never liked me. She is loving this! Her quote was "I've been waiting for this day for a long time", when my wife told her she was considering leaving.
That and what ever happened to "For better or worse"? I don't recall anywhere in the wedding vowes that said leave when it's worse. The problem today is marriage isn't really taken seriously by most people. And top that off the media paints the wrong picture too. I'm sorry I know I'm only 32, but I am old school when it comes to marriage. I always believed divorce wasn't an option in my marriage, and that when you have problems you work the sh*t out!
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1867595#Post1867595
I'm just shocked after reading though most people's situations. They are all virtually the same. LBS is stunned, and hear/see the same things from spouse: "I need space", ILYBNILY, they get more spiritual, "I'm a different person now", "there's no-one else", "we've both changed", they get tatoos & implants, etc... It's as if they all read from the same textbook on how to leave.
What I wish is that someone could come up with a textbook of signs to read before we start getting all the above BS!
They wouldn't read it. I point out the "warning signs" to people all the time, but 90% of them stick their head in the sand, JUST AS I DID.
You ain't ready until you're ready. And then you are.
Puppy
"When the student is ready the teacher appears."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
