ME - Pray. Pray for guidance, strength, His love, support, and clarity. I have found that when I am in a tough spot a quick prayer relaxes me.
Me: 33 / H: 36 M: 10y / T: 14y 3 kids BD: 2/22/14 Live in separation 3/8/14 H consult lawyer, says filing asap 4/24/14 H moved out 4/25/14 2nd time around. 1st separation 4y ago lasted a month
additionally MindsEye, whether you like challnges in life (as I do) I surely do not know. You did not sign up for this challenge it picked you. Get strapped in now cuz if you are steadfast about fighting for your M then you are in for one heck of a battle. Just about any way of handling things that you have used in the past will need to be left in the past. The fact that you are on this site in one sense is great because it means that
1) We have another defender of M (makes me happy) .. 2) You will be learning a ton about yourself and growing enormously both consciously and unconsciously 3) You will meet new people and expand on existing friendships because your H is giving you a gift (not weighing you down fully with his burdens and troubles..strange as it may seem, it's true)
Be prepared for things to take a long while before they make sense. The fact that things that you will be instructed to do when you read the book and receive suggestions from fellow DB faithful does not seem to be at all what you believe will work needs to be ignored and you need to act against your natural instincts. Nobody likes to be out of control. The longer that you stay afraid of losing something that you don't really have (your H) the further the control of your own life (that which you do control) will be lost.
Stick with you. Believe in yourself. Your H is being a moron currently. He needs a lesson, you could be the one to teach him (by example). You need to make the most of what is all around you in life. A solid, rational-minded H has "left the building". Grieve on this as you accept this then excel at life. Happiness will come! Do not doubt it or you.
Try to prepare yourself for the rollercoaster ride ahead. You'll have several days when you feel strong and sure that you'll be better off one way or the other, then suddenly, out of the blue, you'll have a day when the pain swells up and engulfs you all over again. It sucks, big time. At least if you're prepared for it when you have a bad day, you can recognize that you'll have good days again.
Since were doing a CS, its awkward. We bump into each other at home. H gives me hugs and kisses still. I kind of avoid doing that. Today, he actually asked me "do i have to give you hugs/kisses? how does this work?" I said "you dont have to do anything". he reached out to give me a hug and a light kiss.
he thinks this is all funny. I told him my uncle called and said "hi" and H says "haha, oh i guess he didn't get the memo". (about us). He considers us "broken up" i think, since were doing a CS. I am trying to keep this together, but it feels useless.
He is showing to me that he is a royal AHOLE.
Oh, and I asked him again, please, no hickeys on my neck. he started to say "oh why, you dont want someone to see them" and then says "well, it was just begging for it. i couldnt help it"... and "you got my arm" and i said, "yeah, but i asked you NOT to do that. theres a difference, please dont do that next time".
Im practicing "pushing" him back a bit. I only skimmed through DB, and while i dont want to get my hopes up, i really need to go back to it.
And, now he asked me if im home later to talk about "Bills"? How convenient. He is such a CHILD.
And, he comes in ranting about how he got stuck in the gym w/ a gay guy this morning...and how hes not going to work out in the am anymore unless its really early.. and goes on excitedly telling me this whole story.
Do i humor his stories and tales? Should i be glad he wants to speak w/ me? I dont have to be overly nice to be attentive right?
