Stopping in before I head over to surviving

[Trixi]

I've been dinking around in "Newcomers", who knows why since I have been at this for YEARS. So, thought I would swing by before I head over to surviving. Here's the last thing I posted on November 10th.

Yeah; I think that it's not that I don't care, per se, just that I am sick and tired of crying tears over this man. I am tired of him saying he 'does love me, ya know" and then not actually demonstrating it. I am tired of EVERYTHING being my fault.

I'm tired of him acting like some spoiled child and not doing what he says he will do. Last night he was just itching for a fight; arms crossed, defiant look; when my phone rang "Oh, I just HATE that ring"; when I said I was a strong 'thinker' as my secondary personality (behind 'helper') "yeah, you CAN be sarcastic and blunt-I really don't like that- I just hate people that don't like to look stupid." (WTF?!)

Last night I didn't cave, though. Maybe it's because I had a closing, and got one deal under contract and another almost under contract (it will get signed today) AND I lost 9.6 lbs in one week on a diet I'm doing. After he says we should probably just eff it and pull the plug, the jazz music that is playing in the background has a song come one where the woman singing is saying 'you had your chance; I'm gonna find a man who will give me his all'. It was particularly odd timing since this station plays 95% instrumental jazz.

I feel like I must have had "Duncan" tatooed on my forehead because I have been treated like a yo-yo.

I will be okay. I will take this next little bit of time (while I continue on my diet) to regroup and then "watch out world" cuz here I come.

Since then he has not called; total radio silence. I suppose he could say the same of me.
Now I have lost 13.2 lbs in 12 days. Super thrilled about that

I was re-reading the last dialogue we had and I just have to shake my head. He was talking about feeling rebellious. He mentioned a VERY bad trip we took (often sited as the final straw in his mind) where he ignored me and only hung with his family. (Being thyroid impaired I was NOT handling the heat and humidity well--wish I would have gotten 'fixed' so much sooner..sigh) Anyway, here's the important thing-- he mentions that and then says "Sorry about that, but I was mad!"

Is it just me or is that a ridiculous apology?! I swear, he is 10 year old.

I'm starting to think there's another love interest for him. He's mentioned several times that now things are complicated. That he's painted himself into a corner and doesn't see any other way to get out of it besides a divorce. OTOH, I don't quite see how there could be since I would see him Saturdays and we did the retrouvaille thing....

My ego is having a hard time initiating the final nail in the coffin and I know it's because I want to be "right"; I have fought this for SO long and SO hard and I hate to "lose". How could this be the right thing to do when it goes against my values?