Finally found them together, now what??

[shellshockedga]

I posted this at my newcomers thread, but felt like it also belonged here. Brief summary:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1838839#Post1838839

Bomb dropped in July, (began to suspect OM at the time), she moved out in October and then I found evidence of A. Cant say if it is EA or PA, just A. This morning:

Well, it was somewhat of a sad, but eye opening morning. Without going into detail, found the WAS in her car with OM heading off for the weekend. Confronted them, took appropriate photos. Now just attempting to digest all of this. Of course it was not a suprise, but still, the act of seeing it in person can be challenging to digest.

She has called a total of 17 times so far this afternoon and left two vmails. I answered none and at one point just plain turned the phone off. I cant beleive that speaking to the WAS at this point would benefit anyone.

Of course I told her not to her come back to the house, but that will not be enforceable from a legal standpoint right now. With both the boys in the house, under my extremely careful and watchful eye, I dont want to box her belongings up. I have, however, begun removing all pictures of her in the house.

I will submit the pictures to L as further evidence of A with OM. Of course, they are nothing more than pictures, but compelling when added to the rest.

Not sure what to do now. I have gone totally Dark. Unplugged home phone, turned off cell phone. Both sets of grandparetns are aware of sitch and know the kids are safe at home. I have to travel on Wednesday and was going to use WAS as sitter for kids. Now not sure what to do with that either. FIL & MIL have offered to watch them for me since they live in same city.

Again, nothing new except now I know for sure. One open item, OM says he is in the process of divorcing his W. Should I alert her(are there legal ramifications of this?) and if so, what is the best method? What would I gain, what could I potentially lose? I feel right now that my reasons would be vendictive. Not sure that is a good idea.

Now what to do??

I also suspect she has filed. So that may come into play this week. As I am in a state where Adultry can play into alimony judgements, this is particularly important. I will add that I am sad at this turn of events. I should not be. But am.

[bestraongforyou]

If you want to reconcile you should tell OM's wife - she could be your best ally to break up this affair if you work together
on this - and even if you don't want to reconcile she has a right to know I think.

[newmama]

Wow, I am really impressed that you have gone dark and into a plan B so soon, avoiding her phone calls! It is hard for LBS to do that usually so the fact you did it right away is probably good! I have read of WASs coming clean and wanting their family when presented with such harsh(but necessary) circumstances.

So who babysat on Wed when you were gone? And do you have other evidence besides photos? I live in a no fault state, but imagine that photos may not be enough--unless they were kissing (sorry).

What do the kids know about the situation? Yes, you should tell OM's wife--not to be vindictive but because SHE DESERVES TO KNOW and it can help end the affair sooner.
keep us posted.

[P17]

Again, nothing new except now I know for sure. One open item, OM [b]says he is in the process of divorcing his W[b].

How do you know this? Do you know it for SURE? If not, don't believe it. WAS's amd OP's lie through their teeth (which is how the affairs start in the first place) to us AND each other. It wouldn't actually surprise me if it wasn't true.

Should I alert her(are there legal ramifications of this?) and if so, what is the best method? What would I gain, what could I potentially lose? I feel right now that my reasons would be vendictive. Not sure that is a good idea.

If you alert the OM's W then all you are doing is potentially gaining an ally. If she doesn't know then she will put pressure on OM to end the relationship. So then there are two pressures - pressure and your end and theirs.

Ramifications legally - none. You are stating simple facts. You're doing nothing else.

It's not vindictive. You're telling somebody else that their partner is cheating on them. It would be vindictive if they weren't or you started spreading rumours. Telling the truth to her is not vindictive.

Remember - all is fair in love and war. Do you want you W back? If the answer is yes, do what you need to do. Pick up the phone, go to her house, write her a letter or drop her an email. Just remember these things are better done in person or over the phone so if you write a letter / email you could just ask her to contact you.

Do it today. Don't wait. The longer you wait the closer those two get together.