My Husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have 3 lovely kids.I am Chinese went to graduate school in USA on scholarship and met my husband here. He chased me very hard . Then we got married.
This year April he went to China for a bussiness trip. His coworker took him to the bar, there he met a woman. He talked to her and dance with her., 2 hours later. They slept together every night for 2 weeks!
When I drove the kids and brought a dozen of roses to pick him up in the airport. I did not even get a hug!
He had fight with me for 2 weeks.Then lied to me and his boss. He flew all the way to China to see her again in May. When I called his boss in China to see if he is ok because he asked me to call before if he did not call. His boss told me he is not there. I kept asking him "why? are you there by yourself?" Finally he told me a day before he came home that he met some one and fall in love with her.He said he wanted to come home and had nothing to do with her any more.I let him came home. but later I found he contacted her on internet 3 times I kicked him out. They can not speak because He can not speak Chinese, she does not speak English. They used online translator to talk. After that, he wanted divorce. He refused to cut off the relationship with OW. He also planned to see her again in China in August.
He told me he tried to cheat on me when I was 7 month pregnant with my first child. tried but did not succesed other time when my second kid 3 years old. This time my third child is not even 3.
I asked him about what she does in the bar and what is her education level. He said she only graduated from elementry school and she does sales in the bar. I knew she must be a prostitute. I told him that he did not believe me. So I hired a private investigator to investigated her. She is prostitute and she is married with 3 year old son. Her family and her husband family are very poor. I had all the pictures . IDs and sent to my husband. She lied to him about everything. So at end of June they broke up.
After that. we went to marriage therapy. He said he only wanted to do 100% on in the therapy not any thing outside the therapy. The therapist was not talking any thing about the infidelity even I scheduled a private session with her. So we quit going. He has not read any books the therapist recommanded him to read. I read about 20-30 books about marriage and self improvement and how to protect and kids.
Now he is saying he needs to see me as a changed person but he does not believe me can change that much. He does not show any remorse only said to me he is very sorry he hurts me so much. He does not call me unless it is about the kids.
We did have some problems in our marraige. I was not very happy staying USA. He thinks he can not make me happy. we had communication problems. we put our kids and work above marriage. His family has a lot of divorces and cheating.
I am professional woman. I make more money then him. I am independent. Most importantly, I consider him as emotional theft and selfish person. We have been separated for 5 months now.
Do you think this marriage worthy saving? If yes,How should I save it? Thank you very much for reading and replies.
After that. we went to marriage therapy. He said he only wanted to do 100% on in the therapy not any thing outside the therapy. The therapist was not talking any thing about the infidelity even I scheduled a private session with her. So we quit going. He has not read any books the therapist recommanded him to read. I read about 20-30 books about marriage and self improvement and how to protect and kids.
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Now he is saying he needs to see me as a changed person but he does not believe me can change that much. He does not show any remorse only said to me he is very sorry he hurts me so much. He does not call me unless it is about the kids.
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Do you think this marriage worthy saving? If yes,How should I save it? Thank you very much for reading and replies.
The only person who can decide if the marriage is worth saving is you, because you are the one who is going to do all of the hard work to save it.
As for not believing you can change, being sorry he is hurting the kids, etc. -- that is standard behavior for a wayward or cheating spouse. He's trying to make you feel better about the split; he's also trying to make himself feel better about the split.
Your best option right now is to get a copy of The Divorce Remedy. It discusses a lot of the theories and explanations for the type of advice that you will see on these forums.
If he is involved with another woman, there will be no hope of reconciliation until she is out of his life. So the important thing is to work on yourself -- become the happy, confident woman that he will want to be with.
One thing you can do is start separating your finances; he will be less likely to jet back and forth to China(!) for his affairs if it's all coming out of his pocket.
Others will be along with other advice, I hope. Give them a listen.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
