I have almost a year of history here in a collection of older threads...
Long Story Short
Bombed - 12/2007 - ILYBINILWY - "out of love w/you since you forced me to buy this house..."
Decides to Stay - 1/2008 - never really tells me, but (in a txt) answers me that "he's not going anywhere (?) LOL"
1/2008 - 11/17/2008 - I do about everything wrong... beg, plead, gifts, R talks weekly w/tons of crying
DB'ing Begins - 11/1/2008 - initial superb response, still in the same house/same bed, no further talks, no further intimacy, I am just his kids mom, and (probably) one of his best friends
CURRENT
Still emotional daily (alone) Health suffering from stress of m/r and loneliness Live together harmoniously, and enjoyably, for the kids... (doesn't work when one of you is still in love with the other)
I am a total lurker here, but commented on your (original) thread I think. I've been waiting for your update as I feel my sitch is a lot like yours--DH who can't/won't let go of past "injuries," but does not want a divorce...just wants us both to be miserably married...as if I/we need to be punished for the rest of our lives because I screwed up for a few years (not that he was perfect either, mind you).
I won't hijack your thread with my sitch, but will say I feel for you and I hope you'll hang around.
I love my husband. We are (mostly) really good. The one thing/the most important thing, is what he's holding back on...
I don't have the courage to leave, or ask him to.
I don't have the resources to split (IRS issues, and they've tied our payments - LOTS OF MONEY - to MY income)
I have no proof of OW. I've checked, double checked, validated information, sneaked, peeked, etc... Nothing.
For the first time in a year, I initiated some kind of R talk... He had called me (after he left to go back out of town for work), and said I looked like I felt just horrible (bad cold recently, hospitalized for heart issues - ok now) and hoped I felt better. I txt'd him back and said...
"I just miss my husband. I miss our closeness. I miss feeling like a part of you. I miss our intimacy. I miss being loved by you. I just miss you,k even when you are right here. The real problem with my heart is that a piece of it is missing. I love you."
No response.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I hope he responds. And maybe, initiating an R talk,where you just explain what's going on in you and what it feels like in a marriage almost ok as the one you have, is what you need to do now. Sometimes, DBing gets "obsolete" if you know what I mean. Love K
Oh, that is so sad, that he didn't respond to you.
There is no OW here either.
I spent the summer researching...everything (that's how I found this site) I could find. I read and read and read (easy to do since he moved into the guest room in April). It was a tense summer as I was barely tolerating the situation, the rejection I was feeling was just too intense.
In September, while he was out of town, I found the kind of MC I wanted (based on the research I had done) and made an appointment for myself while he was gone. It still took me 10 days after he returned before I could even tell him about the appt. Soon after that, he moved back into the BR and we have had two joint MC sessions (the C's are a husband and wife); I have an individual appt. next week and we have another joint session at the end of the month. There has been a little progress, not as much as I would like, but it is still early in the going and we have a LONG way to go. It truly sucks. He thinks we can continue as we have, and he may even believe it, but we just can't...it WILL get better or it will get worse.
I was thinking about you yesterday... wondering what was happening. I'm sorry that it doesn't sound better.
It sounds like you need a little pick-me-up. I know what it feels like to feel trapped. If it comes to that, I expect there are ways to get untrapped, though it might take some work. But before you sorry about that, let's get you back on top of your game! How are you doing on the goals you were working on?
mindfull, this doesn't sound like harmony to me. Your health is suffering, mental, emotional and physical stress.
Time for you to cast your own shadow again. Take care of yourself.
Not to think for or excuse your husband but the money issue is big to a man. The IRS problems probably make him feel like a failure to you (he can't provide for you.) Would it help to simplify your life?
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Sorry that you are in a down dip right now. Sounds like some sort of change is definately needed, the only question being what?
Please don't let yourself go lower. You know how these sitches work, you need to have some extra energy in reserve for the next down ride dropped on you too. Can you start today with some hard core exercise, give yourself a few days to feel what you feel, then decide to the first steps of your new path to a better place for you?
You know nothing will change quickly, all you need do is take the little steps each day right now, and the bigger picture will become clearer when the time is right.
