Today I woke up after probably the longest 2 days of my life. I have been praying for God to give me some peace and guidance on where I can go from here.
The last things my W has said to me is that she is finished and she does not want to give me any false hope. My mother phoned her today as she loves us both and asked her if she thought our M was over and she said yes.
My W has also said she would like to continue with the Imago MC as she would like to go through the process, my Mother asked her why she wanted to continue with the MC and she said that maybe god could performed a miracle but that she would only know that after going through the sessions.
I have been blaming her Kinesiologist for her wanting to leave me, but I see know that this was wrong, I know my W and I know she has made these decisions on her own and that He only gave her the tools to face what she has been feeling for along time, but was to scared to face up. I apologized to her this morning and told her that I was looking for a scape goat as I did not want to accept that it was my actions that has led us to this point. She said she was sorry that I only realized this when it was to late.
We are going to meet with her parents tomorrow, They want us to try to work it out, I am very close with them and I work for her farther so it is only fair that we let them know where we are at. I also need to confirm that my Job is secure should we split as I still need to support my S and I have invested 10 years of my life to this business, and have only ever given 100%, So I need to know. I also want to tell them not to try and make her make a decision and that she needs to do this on her own, and to be there for her as she will need them.
Today is the first day I feel remotely that I can accept my sitch, I feel that I am ready to let go of her, I am not giving up, but I need to be realistic.
I am ready to look at a life without her, I don't want it, but I cannot make her want to make it work.
I know my W, she would not say what she has over the last month without meaning them.
Is there hope? I don't think so, I feel like she is only going to the counseling to say she did try, and has already made up her mind that it is not going to work.
I don't think she will put any actions into motion until after Christmas and I am determined that there will be peace in the house from now on and that My S will affected as little as possible while this goes on. I will not tell her that I am letting her go, but I need her to know that I am accepting the situation, I'm not sure how to do this, and any help would be appreciated.
M: 30 W: 32 Married: 9 years s: 2.8 Bomb dropped: 7-10-09 same house, bed, no physical contact My sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1871805&page=1
I have been blaming her Kinesiologist for her wanting to leave me, but I see know that this was wrong, I know my W and I know she has made these decisions on her own and that He only gave her the tools to face what she has been feeling for along time, but was to scared to face up. I apologized to her this morning and told her that I was looking for a scape goat as I did not want to accept that it was my actions that has led us to this point. She said she was sorry that I only realized this when it was to late.
I hope that you are correct about this. As you have noted, you have not been an exemplary husband. However, there are 'guru's who will use the 'spiritual' route to manipulate people using techiniques of coercive persuasion. See for example this situation:
Ok so it's 2 days after our 1st MC session, my blowout afterwards & I feel like I am at day 1 again and am so confused.
My wife yesterday told my mother that she thinks our marriage is over, but she will go to counseling to see if there is a miracle.
When I got home last night she again said "I've made my choice" and "I think our paths will separate" "to much has happened" but after I asked her again this morning to follow through on the Imago MC she said she will go to 12 sessions and we will see where we are after that. She said if she was not prepared to try she would not go to the MC.
I am really battling with this because she says it's over, but she also says she will do MC to see if anything changes. It just feels like I'm being strung along.
I am trying to detach, not have false hope etc. I am just finding it so hard with these mixed messages.
On the plus side I have a min of 3 months to try and DB, with her not having made a deffinate decision. I just feel like I have undone what I started doing last week, and my head is swimming again!
M: 30 W: 32 Married: 9 years s: 2.8 Bomb dropped: 7-10-09 same house, bed, no physical contact My sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1871805&page=1
I feel your pain. My situation is very similar. I was also told not to have "false hope". My wife also seems to have her mind made up. Hang in there. I know what you are feeling and you are not alone. Try to keep your head up and focus on doing what is right regardless of the outcome.
