maybe if I had some closure like just a simple, "I'm sorry" I could get past this.)
nope, not even a begging apology would've done it... x was sorrowful (to what degree was it from him or his AD meds I'll never know) but not even that healed me instantly from all the mess he put me through (same story, had ow, she kicked him out, got another woman and married her in a hurry).
You do have the answer at the end of your post, forgiveness, that is the only true way to begin true lasting healing... I know it's hard and to a tiny degree I still have to remind myself that I forgave him...you are forgiving him not because he deserves it... you are doing it for yourself, becuase your Father in heaven forgave you and expects you to do likewise... in due time everyone will respond to what they've done.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
thanks for the responses, guys. the holidays suck. I have d6 for thanksgiving, but here is what I am realizing. I don't give a flying f who my ex is with/married to (expect of course how it relates to d), but it KILLS me that there is another "mother" presense now in her life. stupid, I know since I too and remarried, and it is totally hypocritcal. but I think some "splaining" is in order.
I have always made sure ex h has open communication with my husband. always. ex refuses to let me even talk to his new (very young) wife AT ALL!! And she is complying. there have been issues (daughter wasn't invited to their wedding when his entire family was and his new wife showed my daughter the pics and of course didn't act upset with her but was very upset when she came home and told me). I want SOME communication with this girl who will play a role in my daughter's life. there is a sayinng that my lawyer once told me, when you have kids, you are never truly divorced. so f'ing true. this sucks big time.
so I am not jealous of their marriage, couldn't care less, but i AM jealous of this person in a "mother" role with my kid. I can't stand it. She will be with them this weekend and every visiation kills me. my ex is truly an ex to me at this point so much so that I am SO GLAD that he left, but the aftermath (new wife) is the hardest as it means she will be around my daughter at least a few times a month.
I realize I sound irrational, but it's how I am feeling. thanks for reading.
"...in due time everyone will respond to what they've done" = "What comes around goes around."
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
My ex is now in a fairly serious relationship. Good news is the girls like him and evidently he's nice/good to them. But yes, the fact that she's in a relationship bothers me a little. So, this is something I have been thinking about a lot, especially since I am too in a fairly serious relationship now. Truth be told, I still have feelings for my ex. I have come to accept that and that I will always have some sliver of love for her even though she left the marriage. She's a good woman who got lost in life, yes a mild MLC and couldn't handle the stress. So I think the cross I bear in life is that I will always care for her, even when I have found someone else to love and to give my heart to. I also figured out, we never truly give our hearts "completely" to someone. Our hearts are full of love and as long as we are receiving even a little that love well will be full and able to give to many, many people in many different capacities. For me that means loving my ex for who she is, who she was and for what we had. As for my current relationship, I most definitely am falling in love with her and can see spending the rest of my life with her.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
