Its my first time on here and after reading some of the posts on here I figured I would post my own story...
Some of the posts I read on here makes me feel like I should not be feeling as bad as I do about my situation, I mean some of you have been married for 10 or 20+ years, there are kids involved, etc. But the facts of my marriage do not make me feel any less sad.
I've been married for 2 1/2 years. Wife is 22, I am 28. We have been together total for about 5 1/2 years. Things were really great before. It will be a year that we bought our first house together on November 13. We have always had stupid fights about stupid things, we are both stubborn but it always ended up good. I am a little hot headed and would yell a lot, and she has been telling me for a while that she is unhappy and I better fix it. I always put it off as her just saying that when we argue because that was the only time it would come up. She has threatened to leave before and I always said I would change and I did for a while but then I went back to my old habits. In the past few months things had gotten really rough. We haven't had sex for months. We were really distant from each other and sometimes we fought so much that I wished she would leave. She would ask me to go out with her and her friends and I never wanted to, it got so bad that she would go out with her best friend and her boyfriend because I wouldn't go out with them. I can see why she is angry with me. So about a month ago we got into a fight and she told me that she needed space and was going to live with her best friend. So I let her go...and in that time I haven't been making much effort to fix things. A little here and there, I just always figured she would come back. We still talked daily but just small talk. I did order the marriage fitness program, don't know if any of you heard of it, but I would listen to the cds and she didn't want to. She just wanted to have her space and ignore our problems it seemed to me. The other night she came over and told me she couldn't do this anymore and wanted a divorce. I convinced her to give separation a chance still and she agreed, but now I don't know what to do. This just happened two nights ago and today she came over and went to lunch with me, we cleaned our cars together, and she came in and we sat on the couch together - side by side - and watched a movie. She says she still loves me but "is not in love with me" because of how mean I was to her and how distant...I swear to her I will change but she doesn't believe it because of how many times I said it before. So my question now is what do I do? I ordered the DB book but it has not come in yet. I'm so sad all the time and this is all I think about unless she is around I feel normal. I feel like I didn't realize how important she was until I lost her. Anyone have any suggestions on what to do?
I see a lot of advice to pretend like its not bothering you, don't ask them to come back, etc...I don't understand how that works? Has that worked for anyone? I see it as if she says she is leaving and I act like I don't care...that will make it easier for her? Please help...I'm so lost.
Make changes and let them become permanent. You're going to have to start off slow but she has to BELIEVE that what you are doing is going to be permanent.
Sorry that you find yourself here, but you're actually in a good position. Keep posting here.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
