Sad to be here

[praying_in_GA]

Hi Norm! I am also working on my 180's. My first was similar to yours. We see each other three days a week when I work and he watches the kids. I am trying to cut down on the contact those days.

Best of luck to you.

[Norm914]

Hi Norm - I'm sorry you are here - but welcome. Start reading all the books you can. Lots of people on here list some great ones! They will help you succeed in making positive, lasting changes in you. I am assuming you read DR. How about Mars/Venus? The Five Love Languages? (really good one!!!).

This site is amazing for support!!!

Thanks, mscanlon.

Haven’t read DR or DB yet. Money is tight and if I can only afford one of them I’m not sure which would be most helpful.

W and I read Five Love Languages together a couple of years ago. Things haven’t always been bad between us.

[Norm914]

Our current medical insurance is going to lapse and we’re getting a new policy jointly because it is cheaper and finances are tight for us both.

We’re meeting the insurance rep at a coffee joint tomorrow at 1:00. Saw W briefly yesterday and she asked if I wanted to meet at 12:00 and have lunch before we meet with the insurance rep. I said yes but now I’m second-guessing that decision.

Since the separation W has been giving me the “I want us to be good friends” (so I won’t feel as guilty) routine. I’m afraid that having lunch with her will encourage her and that she’ll think I’m going along with that.

Anyone have some advice for me?

[praying_in_GA]

No advice from me since that is the same thing my husband said. He doesn't want us to lose our friendship in the divorce.

I will be following your thread to see what others have to say.

[Norm914]

I should add that last week, just about the time I found this BB, I sent her an “I miss you” text. I know, I know. She sent me a text saying she would meet me for lunch but “I don’t want you to misunderstand my intentions”. An hour later I thought better of it and sent her a text saying I had to cancel because I was just too busy.

Yesterday, she proposed meeting for lunch without any prompting from me whereas last week she was reluctant.

[Norm914]

No advice from me since that is the same thing my husband said. He doesn't want us to lose our friendship in the divorce.

I will be following your thread to see what others have to say.

Hi, Praying! Thanks for the encouragement. I hope your sitch improves.

[mscanlon]

I would still probably say you're not going to have time to do lunch, but will meet her for the insurance meeting. I am still fairly new here too.

I would get the DR book. I am pretty sure that DR is basically an updated version of DB. I own both but have only read DR. Anyone else know if I am correct about that?

[TrentC]

I would get the DR book. I am pretty sure that DR is basically an updated version of DB. I own both but have only read DR. Anyone else know if I am correct about that?

I have both, and I feel like DB is more about the process that MWD uses in her therapy, while DR is aimed more at the person who wants to start working on DB'ing his relationship.

I liked DR a lot more than DB.

[Super Girl]

I also liked DR more than DB.

[Norm914]

I want to thank you all. Even though I haven’t posted much, I read every day, and I learn.

I especially want to thank Puppy and Trent. I learn so much from your posts.

Tonight I received a long e-letter (word doc attached to an email) from my W. Of course, it was all R talk. Before coming here I would have made the mistake of answering and rebutting her R talk. And I would have screwed myself further. And that is exactly what she would expect me to do.

But, thanks to you guys, I paused. I thought, “This is R talk. Don’t respond right away and when or if you do just say, ‘I understand’” in some form or fashion. Think before you speak, if you speak at all.

She wrote., “ If you want or need to talk, let me know. We can talk over the phone if that’s easier. Or, we can communicate in writing if that’s better.” Underlying tone was “it’s over”.

We’ve known each other for 22 years. The old Norm, the one I was and the one she knew, would have been pounding away at the keyboard, anxious to have his say. But that ain’t gonna happen. I’m going to stay silent and let her wonder why I haven’t responded until it drives her nuts.

I know her. Within a few days she’ll ask/text/email, “Did you get my letter?” I want to have the right answer if there is such a thing.

Please help.